FRIEDMAN: It’s Getting Hot in Herre

Well folks, we’ve entered the Dark Ages. Okay fine, this isn’t exactly the collapse of the Roman Empire, but it is midterm season. Close enough.

Now, I could write a novel about all of the reasons I hate midterm time. There’s a lot of studying, a lot of stress and a lot of hand cramping. Who wants that? I don’t. And while I could bore you with an essay complaining about lengthy exams and hours in Mugar – I’m not going to. Instead, I’ve decided to look on the bright side of all of this academic chaos. Sure, being a perpetual bookworm for two weeks straight isn’t fun, but it is useful. Allow me to elaborate.

Recently, I’ve had weather and climate on the mind. I know, I’m even cooler than you imagined. All I can think about is pressure systems, cyclones, air masses – it’s exhausting. For any of you that have taken GE101 – y’all know what I’m talkin’ bout. For the rest of you who haven’t – you’re on your own.

What I’m getting at is, I’m in the process of studying for a science midterm. A big, fat, multiple-choice, mecca of evil. (Professor, if you’re reading this, I’m totes playin’ – love your work!)

Now, this material ain’t pretty, and in my opinion, it ain’t interesting – but a girl has got to do what a girl has got to do (Am I right betches?!). So as a result of my tedious studying, weather has been overloading my thoughts. Am I daydreaming about TITS all-day? Not anymore.

Wait . . . that came out wrong.

So where has this constant weather daydreaming brought me? To global warming. I am so not buying it. If global warming were a serious threat, girls would not be bustin’ out the Ugg boots already. (Personally I think the serious threat is the fact girls wear Ugg boots in the first place – yelch! – but that’s besides the point.)

Obviously, my disbelief in this so-called “Global Warming” theory goes far beyond Ugg boots. It starts at the root: the ozone. If there really was a hole in the ozone, I’m pretty sure I’d be getting a lot tanner right now. But, this ghostly pale skin speaks for itself. I’m not tan, therefore global warming is a scam. I know – I should be a lawyer!

But even though my argument is extremely thorough, there is skepticism. Especially from Nelly – you know, the dude with the Band-Aids on his face. (Somebody hook him up with some Neosporin!)

I’m sure you’re all familiar with his popular song, “Hot in Herre”. If you’re unfamiliar, then yo’ parents didn’t raise you right. (JK! But seriously.)

Now, despite the fact that Nelly’s spelling could use some work, this man has got a decent point. It is getting so hot in herre that Nelly needs to take off all his clothes. Or, he needs to take off your clothes. I’m not really sure who is supposed to be stripping down – but booty, booty, booty, booty, is about to be rockin’ everywhere.

Regardless of who’s disrobing, the theme of the song is evident: Nelly is extremely concerned about global warming. He created this powerful song (and catchy, if I may add) with the hopes of stirring up awareness for the Earth’s blatant crisis. Nelly’s song is a cry to the public, begging them to take notice of the “depleting ozone” before it’s too late. Before we’re all forced to take off all our clothes.

What an environmentalist.

Now, I’m not going to lie to you guys—I didn’t realize what his intentions were when this song first dominated the charts. I thought he was just like every other artist, making music for the sake of sales. But evidently, my assumptions were way off.

In fact, when I recently skimmed through his music repertoire, I realized loads and loads of his songs are revolutionary masterpieces. “Never Let ‘em See You Sweat” – um, obviously, another scheme to end global warming. “Move That Body” is clearly encouragement to decrease obesity, and “Work It” is part of Nelly’s efforts to end unemployment. Nelly doesn’t stop there, however. “Pimp Juice” is a provocative song, intended to eliminate prostitution worldwide, and “Just a Dream” is for the children, encouraging them to reach for the stars. Basically, Nelly is the ideal humanitarian – but you already knew that.

So where does this leave me? Well, I’m still on the anti-G-Warming train. Until I see those Ugg boots evaporate (fingers crossed), my stance is firm. Nonetheless, I think Nelly makes a pretty good point. If we don’t make efforts to decrease our carbon footprints, meltdown will occur. There will be no more “Ice Ice Baby.” Allegedly. Although that, Vanilla Ice fans, is for another article.

Samantha Friedman is a senior at the College of Arts & Sciences and a weekly columnist for The Daily Free Press. She can be reached at samtf@bu.edu.