Frat boys—I salute you. I don’t know how you do it, but you do it so darn well.
Handsome, intelligent and eloquent—I gush at the mere thought of you. But this article isn’t about Robert Downey Jr.—it’s about frat boys.
So how can I sufficiently describe you fellahs? I mean, we all pass you on Commonwealth Avenue, take classes with you and sometimes make out with you. And yet, we know so little about you. This is why I’ve decided to investigate your Greek-ness. Call me Dora the Explorer. Actually, don’t.
I think you have a bad rap. You’re more than a sexy bod and great head of hair. Shizz, I’m talking about Robert Downey Jr. again, my bad.
(*Note to self: stop watching “Iron Man” while writing weekly column.)
But I digress. Oh yes, the frat boy. In order to better understand you, we need to get anthropological. I’m talking classification. I’m talking archaeological digging in the dirt for stuff. I’m talking cargo pants, hiking boots and CamelBaks. I’m talking dissecting the essence of humanity through the epistemological questioning of your very nature. Okay, I took that last one too far. But I am talking classification.
Now, don’t get me wrong. I’m not saying you can classify everything about the frat boy. For example, their overwhelming plenitude of manliness cannot be quantified. It can’t even be accurately described. It just is.
Secondly, even attempting to classify their “role” within society would prove futile. The magnitude of their importance is indescribable. They are the pulse of our people, the heartbeat of humanity. If you think I’m exaggerating—think again.
Do you know what would happen to our economy if frat boys stopped purchasing booze? Liquor shops would be kaput. Do you know what would happen to our culture if frat boys stopped throwing ragers? We would only know beer pong as a fantastical myth. Do you know what would happen to society if frat boys stopped creating brotherhoods? Society would be brotherless.
Seriously guys—don’t underestimate the power of the brotherhood.
Now, I’ve got zero qualms with your species, frat boys. Heck, y’all impress me. Mentoring male freshmen and guaranteeing them access to a rockin’ social life? Righteous. Sure, you may not be a brotherhood biologically—but beer is thicker than blood. Or something like that.
And so, I’ve developed the following classification system for you. I must admit, the band LMFAO had a little something to do with it. Because of my infatuation with the utterly baller song “Party Rock Anthem,” I’ve decided to apply it to you. Well, those of you who are frat boys.
Classification 1: The Party
We are all too familiar with the frat boy’s party life. Rampant with Natty Light, cheap vodka and biddies, ragers are the breeding ground for a sexy time—and an STD. But these parties are more than shots, dirty dancing and sloppy hookups, these parties are the roots of all meaningful relationships. Think about it. Who is your most valuable friend? Is it the person you met in bio lab? Nope. Is it the person you bonded with during freshman orientation? Nah. It is that person who held your hair back while you booted up jungle juice. If that isn’t friendship, then I don’t know what is.
Classification 2: The Rock
I’m sure you’ve seen it before. The infamous spray-painted rock at the Boston University Beach. This rock is an integral part of the frat boy’s life. During the process of joining a fraternity, pledge brothers must maintain their fraternity’s letters on the rock. If a different frat paints over the rock—they’ve got to re-paint it. It’s a beautiful tradition. The frat boys are paying tribute to their cavemen brothers by illustrating on rocks—sans the bison and deer, of course.
Classification 3: The Anthem
Ah yes, the frat boy anthem. We know it well. It goes a little something like this: CHUG, CHUG, CHUG, CHUG. Ring a bell?
Some say the anthem is a primitive chant, a tribute to their hairy ancestors. Others say it’s a dangerous jingle, brainwashing boys to down that 12th beer, even if it means blackout (score!).
But it isn’t either of these things. This anthem is the solution to humanity’s problem. What is humanity’s problem? Hell if I know. But I do know that this anthem is going to solve it. I firmly believe that if we all make more of an effort to “chug, chug, chug, chug” through the bad—we will be a stronger nation. A stronger people. A stronger brotherhood.
So come on people, drink up. You can blame it on the a-a-a-a-alcohol—we’ll be a better people for it, I promise. Although that, my alcoholics-in-training, is for another article.
Samantha Friedman is a senior in the College of Arts & Sciences and a weekly columnist for The Daily Free Press. She can be reached at samtf@bu.edu.
This is an account occasionally used by the Daily Free Press editors to post archived posts from previous iterations of the site or otherwise for special circumstance publications. See authorship info on the byline at the top of the page.
Eloquent, irreverent, sarcastic– Friedman rocks!
Fraternity*
Another jab at greek life by someone who knows nothing about it. Great job. Really original.
So you’re taking “Shots”, sarcastic or not, at the Greek community by perpetuating stereotypes that are barely even true at this university. Non-Greeks participate in every activity you’ve described in this article anyway (including painting the rock). Hmm. I could rant but I’ll just remind you that your article forgot the most important “Classification”: The Events. The events held by Greeks at BU are only matched in magnitude by BU’s own official events. Oh yeah, and as a whole, BU Greeks must have raised $50,000+ for philanthropic organizations last year. Next time you try to covertly bash on us, at least show a LITTLE respect. Then again, I can’t expect much from a GDI…. just kidding!
-Robert Downey Jr.
Interesting how the author fails to mention how much money fraternities donate to charity every year and the types of events they hold on campus. Allowing articles like this to be published creates a totally misconstrued view of Greek Life at BU. Yes, Fraternities party, but there is SO MUCH MORE. If you want to investigate them, do a full investigation instead of pounding shots with them at their parties and writing about it.
If you knew anything about greek life you would know that the only people who use the term “frat boy” are those who are not in fraternities. Do you not have anything better to write about?
Friedman rocks it again–with style and sass–taking us from caveman hieroglyphics to frat boy highronics. Simply fratastic!
Whoa there @Mike and @Frat Boy–if you wanna little respect and think you frat boys are gettin a bad rap, change your fratitude and spend more time on Philanthropy and less time Philandering and Partying–mind your Ps (and Qs)!
No self respecting member of greek life calls themselves “frat”. I truly believe that I, and my brothers, are gentlemen. Roles models of behavior, leaders, and most importantly, promising young men. The amount of stereotyping and lack of journalistic integrity in this article offends me. I see no value in expounding falsehoods, blatant bias, and anecdotes. An honest article presenting all aspects, opinions, and experiences in Greek Life needs to be written. If this author evaluates the positives and negatives in an objective standard, I’d consider her journalistic opinion and give her credit. No one, I repeat, no one with “frat boy” standards would belong in my brotherhood, and I feel confident that statement holds for other Greeks. There is no better source for understanding our brotherhoods than us. Why write an opinion piece without considering our viewpoint? I realize the author is most likely writing on her own experiences, but perhaps she could stop to consider that her experiences aren’t “the experience” She writes on parties, and assumes we call that “brotherhood.” We don’t. Parties aren’t and never will be brotherhood. I experience brotherhood in many ways. Altruism, donating and volunteering, athletics, academics, community and scholarship. Where is that article? Why doesn’t she mention that numerous studies found fraternity men to be significantly more concerned and aware of their campuses binge drinking and sexual assault problems. Members of Greek life organizations have statistically higher GPA’s than their fellow men and women. As Alumni, Greeks give approximately 75% of all money donated to universities. As undergraduates, Greeks raise approximately $7 million per year for charities. across the United States. Greeks give approximately 850,000 volunteer hours per year. Studies have found that Fraternity and Sorority Alumni are much more likely than non-Greeks to participate in community service activities after graduation. These are just a few statistics, and I honestly spent very little effort researching, yet found reliable sources. I see no reason why this author couldn’t have spent the time to write an objective article, or even one that expounds beyond recounted stories and myth. A little research, a quote from a Greek member, or something beyond pure opinion and drunken nights on the town. Please consider the offensive nature of your article. Theres a lot of pride associated with belonging to a Greek Letter organization, and I assure everyone reading this, and the author, that Greek life is much more valuable than this articles portrayal.
Chill frat boys. Lighten up. It’s a column. It’s funny. Read it and grin. In between chugs ;-).
(just kidding!)
But it’s not funny…
Hi all,
This is an opinion columnist’s perspective and does not represent the views of The Daily Free Press. If you feel like the columnist misrepresented Greek Life, feel free to write a letter to the editor in response and we will gladly publish it. Thank you again for your readership.
-The DFP Editorial Board 2011
Perhaps the reason the Greek system as a whole gets such a bad rap is because students have died as a result of the ‘brotherhood’ you are all so proud of. Trust me, we all understand that you give back to the community and raise millions of dollars a year for various organizations, but that doesn’t mean that some of the values that you instill in your members don’t result in harm.
Need I remind you of this incident that happened last year? http://www.nytimes.com/2011/06/28/nyregion/mother-sues-cornell-fraternity-over-sons-drinking-death.html
I understand that this student didn’t attend Boston Unviersity, but the premise is the same. Numerous students at Boston University, including various Greek life members, have been transported to the hospital in alcohol related incidents and other students have been injured while intoxicated.
Greek life is so much more valuable than what the author presented? Perhaps a valid point, but what everyone on here is failing to realize is that the author wrote a SARCASTIC piece. Or maybe what they’re failing to realize is that members of fraternities at this school have been accused of everything from using roofies to shitting in girl’s closets.
https://dailyfreepress.com/2011/09/13/campus-crime-logs-34/
So maybe, frat boys, you all just need to calm down and be happy that she didn’t bring up any of your truly dirty laundry.
Would you be all for exchanging links?
Cargo pants…? NF.