PEARSON: Under pressure

M

y boyfriend and I have been dating for about five months now, and we’re just about ready to make love for the first time. The problem is that we’ve been discussing and planning the night out for all this time, and he’s been discussing some pretty advanced maneuvers that I may not be ready for. How can I talk him down to just normal fun? –Basic Training

If you want the secret to bad sex, and I’m talking something dry, passionless and awful, you only have to add one thing into the mix: pressure.  Pressure comes in many forms, from attempting an advanced position, to having sex for the first time. Any sexual activity should be a positive experience and definitely not a time where one person walks away unfulfilled or feeling as though they’ve been taken advantage of.

So how can you avoid adding pressure, but still get your kinky kicks? Well, the trick there is to make sure the discussion of who-gets-what goes both ways, so each person feels as though they are not losing out on any of the fun. Also, there should be a delicate balance between the degrees of difficulty for each position. There is a sliding scale for this, and it should be self-evident that water sports should be treated with more weight than, say, foot worship. (For more on foot worship, see below).

In your situation, BT, it really depends on his experience factor. If he’s a virgin, or has limited experience with other girls, he’s probably bluffing in order to make you feel as though he’s some sort of champion sex partner. When the big day happens, he’ll probably wiggle around for all of thirty seconds before finishing in a big ol’ mess. However, if your boyfriend has been around the block, and you feel that his requests are really important to him, you simply need to remind him of one thing: You are equally as vital to the experience. If you’re ready for some classic, vanilla sex, then that is exactly what he’s going to get, and he should not expect anything more. But, if, in the heat of the moment, you decide you are ready for a little unexpected kink, go for it! Give him something as a bonus, but make it clear that it was just something special for the occasion.

I’ve been hooking up with this guy for a while, and we were going along great until he pulled out this random foot thing! This sounds disgusting to me. What should I do? I can’t just stop hooking up with this guy, he’s great in bed! No Feet for Me

As I mentioned above, fetishes and kinks are on a continuum of sorts, and all of us need to be cognizant of the fact that our partners may or may not feel comfortable doing what we need to really get us going. In your case, NFFM, it sounds like you already have a pretty fulfilling relationship with this other guy, so any extra foot stuff would just be icing on the cake.

But why not indulge your buddy? After all, as long as you make sure that you have washed and sanitized your feet, there should be no risk for infection or transmission of anything less than sanitary. Oh, I would make sure that my feet don’t have any open cuts or sores, and that your toenails are trimmed and prepped beforehand as well. You don’t want to poke him, or cut the inside of his mouth!

As I mentioned a couple of weeks ago, I had an encounter with a foot fetishist myself, and he basically asked for the same scenario. Personally, I have no problem trying out most basic kinks, so I indulged him. Honestly, it was almost like receiving a free foot massage from someone who really enjoyed his job. We’ve actually met up three times since then, each time with the same lovely massage and the same end result.

Luke Pearson is a weekly columnist for The Daily Free Press. He can be reached at lpsexquestions@gmail.com.