Hooray! It’s almost Super Bowl Sunday. We here at the ol’ Free Press are quivering in anticipation, not just because our beloved Patriots are in the big game, but because we get to have a party. Having celebrated the big game many times before, we know how to have a great party. Without further ado — well, actually, maybe just a little more ado … OK, that’s enough — we present The Daily Free Press’ Tips for a Super-nifty Super Bowl party.
The first thing you need is friends (Zing!). Invite every Patriots fan you know. Entice them with promises of free food and a sneak preview of “Crossroads,” Britney Spears’ new movie. If they decline or sound hesitant, send henchmen to “escort” them to your place. Also, invite one and only one Rams fan. This will come up later.
You’re going to have to feed everyone. We suggest chips and dip, chicken wings and those little hot dogs that fit up your nose. Unfortunately, preparing the food causes a dilemma. In order to keep things warm, you’ll have to prepare the food as the guests are arriving and by the time you finish, all the seats will be taken. Keep a broken bottle handy to claim your seat.
When the game starts, get ready to scream your head off. After every positive play for the Pats, cheer like they just won the game. After every negative play for the Pats, jab the Rams fan with the broken bottle. If he happens to say you’re going to hell for that, remind him that God won’t notice because he’s busy helping Kurt Warner try to win the football game.
When the game is over and everyone has stopped screaming about the Pats’ 72-0 victory and jumping on the Rams fan’s body, kick the bums out. Sit back, take the cocktail weenies out of your nose, pop in “Crossroads” and enjoy Britney’s amazing “acting ability” (wink, wink).
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