Brush off your chocolates and dig up somebody’s rose garden. It’s almost time for Valentine’s Day, America’s most love-it-or-hate-it holiday since Nov. 21, National Radiohead’s “Kid A” Day (man, I hate that holiday). Fortunately, my easily confused friends, there’s a simple way to tell the Valentine’s Day haters from the Valentine’s Day lovers; if someone has a significant other this particular February, chances are they’re looking forward to Thursday. If someone is without companionship this year, it doesn’t matter how much they’ve loved the holiday in the past, they will complain loudly to anyone who will listen how much V-Day sucks, how it’s just a creation of the Hallmark corporation and how they wish they had a cheesecake.
Well, this year, haters, don’t let the bastards bring you down. Look at it this way: at least you don’t have to waste your money buying gifts for people. And if looking at it that way makes the lovers feel sad, look at it this way: at least you’re not me.
You see, for the past seven years, my anniversary with my girlfriend has fallen on Jan. 24. Coming, as it does, directly between the Chanukkah-mas period and Valentine’s Day, it created a trifecta of gift-giving I like to call the “clean out Justin’s wallet season.” Something had to be done, and obviously some tough choices were in order. After giving it much thought, I realized there was only one thing I could do to protect my precarious finances during this extended festive season. I got engaged.
Isn’t that great? Starting next year, my anniversary will be in June instead of in January. That’s plenty of time to amass money in between holidays. Unfortunately, I forgot to take into account that my fiancee’s birthday is in July, but hey, no plan is perfect.
Apparently, though, by becoming engaged, I have declared myself the pitchman for marriage, much as George Foreman is for Meineke. (Marriage: You’re not going to pay a lot, but you’ll get a lot.) Many people I tell about it are happy for me, but many others immediately regale me with their theories on how marriage is an old-fashioned, archaic idea, or insist that I explain to them why anyone should get married.
Why get married, indeed? It’s harder to explain than I expected it would be. Not that there isn’t a good reason — it’s just that none of it comes across the right way when you commit it to paper. “Marriage is a promise,” I want to say, “that you will love and be committed to someone forever.” But that’s too easy to contradict. “Why would you need such a promise?” someone might say. “Don’t you trust your partner?” Of course. It’s not about contractually wrangling someone into spending his or her life with you. It’s about two people who want to be with each other forever and want a sign of their commitment. Why do you need a diploma when you graduate? You have the knowledge either way, but of course, you want something to show for it.
Ultimately, it comes down to love. It’s not easy to explain love in writing, especially for me. I’m not used to talking about personal matters in these pages. I tend to take a tone of ironic detachment (see above) when I write. To understand how I feel, you have to see me, not as the bad-ass I misleadingly appear to be in my columnist photo, but when I’m with Brooke, my fiancee. I do this thing she calls my “love look.” I can feel myself doing it, too. It says everything I can’t.
At this point, if you’re a Valentine’s Day hater, the last thing you want to hear is how happy someone else is in love. But I’m not trying to shove anyone’s face in anything. Instead, I offer encouragement. Sometimes it might seem like the closest anyone can come to finding love is awkward dates and meaningless, drunken sex. But I know love is possible. If you have love this Valentine’s Day, treasure it. If you don’t, don’t despair. It’s out there, floating around, and it will find you when you least expect it. That’s the great thing about love. No matter how expensive the peripherals of love may get (my first engagement ring payment is, appropriately, due on the 14th), love itself is always free.
By writing this, I’m not trying to say that everyone should go run out right now and get engaged. I’m just trying to give some insight into the mind of someone who made that choice. It might be unusual to be engaged and married at such a young age, but why should it? I’ve been making decisions that will affect the rest of my life since I was 17, when I decided to come to this school and study English (and what the hell was I thinking with that?). This, however, is a decision I have confidence in. At the very least, I’ve ensured that neither Brooke nor I will ever be a Valentine’s Day hater again.
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