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BERMAN: Disclaimer: Extremely satirical article with extremely disturbing quotes ahead. Click now!

Have you ever ventured into a rarely explored treasure trove of ideas? One full of thoughtful comments meant to challenge your own beliefs? You may be wondering, “what is this magical entity?” Or maybe even “where can I find this place?” The answer: the Facebook comments section.

From time to time, I enjoy reading through the completely sensible comments of mostly unbiased articles posted on Facebook by a wide spectrum of news organizations. Breitbart, a slightly right leaning, though reputable, website certainly helps to balance out the leftist nature of the MSM (main stream media). I hand-selected a few comments on Facebook to share with you now, all written by thoughtful people — certainly not Russian bots (I think).

On Breitbart’s Facebook page, an article was posted about Sarah Palin supporting Judge Roy Moore for the Republican nomination for the Senate in Alabama. A slightly controversial comment intrigued me:

“She ran for VP with one of the biggest pieces of [expletive] this country has ever seen. Maybe she can call that traitor and get him to change his mind about repealing ODUMBOCARE. Maybe a reporter can ask her if she will.”

While it took me a minute to realize “ODUMBOCARE” was “Obamacare” (amazing pun I should add), this comment certainly challenged my liberal bias. I always thought Sen. John McCain was an incredibly reputable U.S. politician, and a war hero no less. McCain was kept captive by the Vietnamese after suffering several critical injuries, barely surviving on limited food and refused to sign a confession granting him his freedom. But, I suppose he could be classified as a traitor for disagreeing with a healthcare bill that no major health organization supports. Palin is definitely the smarter one of the two.

Now let’s move on to Fox News — a completely unbiased organization. They recently posted an article on Facebook about Jimmy Kimmel’s role in the healthcare debate fight. Now, the following comment certainly does not represent Fox News as an organization (please don’t sue me), nor the majority of its readers. It’s much too insightful for that.

“Has anyone considered that Kimmel is being used as a tool by his bosses and the DNC? I feel badly for him. Maybe they threatened his son’s healthcare. These people will stop at nothing to keep Obamacare in place.”

OK, at first, I was a bit skeptical about this idea. So, I’ll break it down. The extremely powerful DNC and ABC executives pressured Kimmel — who is quite wealthy — to defend Obamacare, or else they would either a) take away his healthcare plan by firing him or b) hurt an innocent child. Now, while it seems a bit far-fetched, I certainly understand how this is a possibility. The only flaw in the plan is that Kimmel is wealthy, so he could afford to fly to another country with his family, assume a new identity, and get free healthcare from the other industrialized nations that provide it for much cheaper than the United States. Again, this is clearly the only flaw.

For the sake of leveling out the extremism between the right and the left, I also found an article from the ThinkProgress Facebook page about the U.S. Immigration and Customs Enforcement. I certainly didn’t search through countless other articles attempting to find some insane liberal comment. There weren’t a bunch of comments that were somehow rational while still angry on these left wing news articles. But anyway, here’s the comment:

“ICE is a racist goon squad, pure and simple. They are terrorists working for the government, and we pay for this appalling lack of humanity.”

I always believed ICE generally helped Americans by focusing on deporting illegal/undocumented immigrants who have a criminal record. Obviously, there are instances where ICE acts crudely, without fully understanding the situation — like all police/military entities. But perhaps every member of ICE is racist and wants the United States to become a purely white state. They might even be terrorists — are they ISIS?

If you didn’t understand that I was being extremely sarcastic by now, well congratulations on reading this far. But seriously, going through the Facebook comments section is the equivalent to searching through a pile of garbage — sure, you might find something valuable, but you’re going to have to sift through a bunch of really disgusting things to get there. So please, keep your Facebook comments to tagging people on memes you think they would really like. Because I also enjoy seeing those memes.

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