I just spent roughly $2.50 on Silly Putty. Which is either a deal '- or a disgrace. I got a discount because the proprietor figured the dime I dropped below the counter was more hers than mine. I didn't need the putty, but it was a small price to pay for a reunion with an old childhood friend.

Upon crossing your hometown's threshold for the first time in awhile, it takes a seasoned set of eyes to successfully power through your homely seventh grade choral director's decade-later rendition of 'I Touch Myself' at its lone dive bar.

In my travels over fall break, I ate some turkey, saw some relatives and spent time in the good old South. Exploring the foothills of north Georgia reminded me of the reality that all small farms face: in order to stay in business, they need to sell what they grow.

Light, as it appears, is important. I should have learned this from 'The Swiss Family Robinson,' a far fetched tale of a Swiss family named '-'- surprise '-'- Robinson, shipwrecked on the only island other than Manhattan that boasts ostriches, penguins and peacocks in such a slim square footage.

When Mo'Nique threw caution to the wind and a hefty TV set down the middle of a stairwell at her daughter, I wondered, as I gently laughed at Precious' misfortune, if I would have been within the same right with a decent human being beside me instead of an empty seat. Status: Unlikely.

Ah, Thanksgiving, the holiday of food and cooking. But besides this Thursday, on which other day of the year do most people spend the whole day in the kitchen? The love of cooking is a dying passion, and the number of restaurants open on Thanksgiving proves it.

' ' ' Whenever my friends go clubbing, I'm left out because I'm not 21. Do you support the use of fake IDs? If so, do you know where can I get one?

I, if nothing else, am a coffee snob. Seriously. I have an espresso/cappuccino machine and a drip coffee machine and I grind my own beans every time I make coffee. (I still don't have a French press, but let's not go there.)

I've got to come clean. I'm not the manly man I may appear to be. Once the guys who know me stop laughing at that last sentence, I ask them to question their own manliness. Look at your own life for a quick second and if you can tell me honestly that you don't have any feminine delights, please stop reading this column, because I will be embarrassed.

Sick can mean a lot of different things. When sick doesn't mean the hospital, or that you have the vocabulary of a Californian seventh grader, it usually means increased introspection, because, almost by definition, being sick slows you down.

When a cluster of my middle part 'do curved upward and harpooned me in the eye at my high school senior year's Welcome Back dance, the two of us determined it was best we go our separate ways. Decidedly, 17 years of loyalty to the look of Christina Ricci's Wednesday from 'The Adams Family' was more than enough to compensate for any of the split's ensuing resentment.

You may not be aware, but as young Americans, we have an international reputation that precedes us. It has nothing to do with George Bush, Iraq or the economy, and everything to do with pizza.