As a recovering Catholic, I feel this missionary-like responsibility to share some thoughts. I know, preachy people annoy me, too. There are anti-religious crusaders such as Sam Harris and Daniel Dennett who claim the incompatibility of religions, combined with our ever-expanding destructive ability, will eventually lead to the self-imposed extinction of humanity. This, unfortunately, is not my concern at the moment. I don’t pretend to possess the ability to cause enlightenment, but I’m hoping to be the cause of reconsideration.

First, I want to discuss friends. Being at Boston University, you probably have Jewish and Hindu friends. Unfortunately, Jews and Hindus, along with Muslims, Buddhists and all other non-Christians, are damned to hell because they hold strange deities above the Christian God (though the debate regarding the New Testament’s versus the Old Testament’s God may save the Jews). A common argument against this is that all monotheists worship the Christian God, but in their own form and under their own name. This, I’m sorry to say, does not work. Christianity is a special kind of monotheistic religion that requires worship of three “gods.” Allah, sad to say, is not three different entities.

On the subject of BU’s diversity – do you have any homosexual friends? If they keep it to themselves, they may be worthy, but if they act on their perfectly natural sexual instincts, then they’re damned too.

So much for minorities, what about women? Did you hear that they’re allowed to run businesses now? And they can drive alone? I still can’t believe they can vote. What asinine comments I’m making, right? That’s how Catholicism thinks (I don’t think like this, by the way. I’m sure most of you are fine drivers). It disallows a perfectly capable gender from having the title of priest. What does that say about the women who choose to follow such a religion?

Now that most of your friends are discriminated against or heading to eternal pain, let’s turn the focus inward. Have you ever eaten beyond being full? Do you use contraception? Do you masturbate? Do you take pride in your athletic ability? I say yes to all of these. I’m packing for hell because gluttony and pride are deadly sins and wasting sperm is near murder on the sin-scale.

Take a look at our economy. Capitalism depends on an individual’s desire to accumulate monetary wealth in the free market. G-r-e-e-d. Why would you follow a religion that wants to punish you for things you probably don’t even think are wrong?

What about praying? Sam Harris uses a good example here, so I’ll steal it. We pray to help the sick. I can easily make the argument that sickness, with all things, was created by God and praying to God to cure cancer is like asking Osama bin Laden to happily rebuild the World Trade Center, but Harris’ point goes deeper than that overused thesis.

You’ll pray to cure people who have so many ailments, but not amputees. As an all-powerful deity, you’d think that just once he’d re-grow a deserving person’s finger. Our bodies don’t have the ability to fight some diseases, so we ask God. Our bodies don’t have the ability to re-grow limbs, so why not ask God?

Some argue that Catholicism is necessary for moral development. Would you be morally lost without religion? Could you independently determine that murdering is bad – maybe with the help of secular parents? The Christian God created a moral code for you to follow using fear of punishment to maintain order. If God is the father and we’re his children, then a “parents-and-children” analogy wouldn’t be inappropriate. If your parents raised you with threats, would your actions be genuine or dictated by fear? Is doing good for reward or fear of punishment truly good? Why believe in a god who uses a flawed system of discipline?

Maybe there are some decent aspects of Catholicism. It’s a comforting thought that you can repent and obtain heaven.

Unfortunately, that comfort is offered to all Catholics. It’s been said, but I feel the need to remind you that with a simple Ego Te Absolvo a child-torturer can obtain the same paradise as the Pope. If that isn’t enough to make you question your loyalty, then I’m forced to question your sanity.

What about the phenomenon known as the “Cafeteria Catholic?” Put plainly, it’s a Catholic who chooses to believe the aspects they agree with while disregarding the aspects they don’t. Unfortunately, this can’t work. Your religion isn’t a political party. You can’t pick and choose when it comes to a set of rules that govern your life and death. If you’re a Catholic, Cafeteria or Conservative, you must believe that your God is the God. He will judge all – Muslims, Atheists, Jews and you.

You should ask yourself, “Is this the best I can do?” You see, there is a lovely fact about beliefs that truths can’t claim – you have a choice. A truth is a truth because it’s based on fact, regardless of what you believe. A belief is a choice, regardless of fact.

As I see it, you may as well believe what makes you happiest or most productive or most comfortable. If you don’t want to worship a vengeful and close-minded god who put you on earth to test if you’re worthy of his kingdom, then rid yourself of Catholicism. Perhaps you’ll believe purple unicorns live in your nipples and direct your body away from harm. If you’re wrong, there’s nothing to fear, because your lifestyle pretty much guarantees that the Church will damn you.

Andrew Steiner is a senior in the College of Communication.