As many of you may not know, the deadline for submitting column samples passed last night, and this time almost none of them were sent via AIM. With so many gems, it was hard to find that flawless diamond that combined cutting political satire with refreshing commentary about Uggs. Inevitably, some had to be cut. Here are a few of the runners up. We here at the ol’ Free Press wish these writers better luck next time!

Journalism professor Chris Daly submitted a blog posting, but the Editorial Board deemed him too old to write for the Free Press.

COM interim Dean Tobe Berkovitz promised a single column but later said his dog ate it.

BUPD offered to release three samples from its illegally sealed records as soon as the columns became dated and irrelevant.

Terrier goalie Karson Gillespie’s column was rejected for being full of holes . . . in logic.

An anonymous mailer sent an anthrax-filled envelope to 648 Beacon St. postmarked from the BU Biolab.

The basketball team’s word count was deemed too short because they never hit triple digits.

CGS students submitted hundreds of letters, but we don’t accept writing in crayon.

President Robert “Moneybags” Brown submitted a lengthy letter that included a return envelope for alumni donations.

A team from SMG submitted a moving personal column later found to be written by unpaid Indonesian workers.

The FreeP’s columns were rejected by their own writers for containing too many grammatical errors.