We must be moving up in the U.S. News and World Report college rankings. Boston College fans only unleashed their “safety school” chant once during Monday’s Beanpot disappointment. Did they refrain out of a newfound respect for their urban neighbor? Doubtful. That same poorly scribbled — and grossly inaccurate — swath of fabric still mocked Boston University’s supposed inferiority from a prominent place for a big chunk of the third period. They’re calling us losers.

Go trip on your altar robes, you pompous BC fans. Look, I got into BC during my senior year of high school. But like a lot of others who refuse to compensate for some deep-seated problem by brandishing a banner at a hockey tournament, I chose to come to the better university instead of simply settling.

Obviously unable to see the banner, the players sorely needed that disparaging chant for motivation. I know it motivated me to imagine emerging from the tunnel under their fan section and gallantly torching that stupid banner. They’d need a whole lot of holy water to extinguish the blaze.

I will never regret choosing BU over BC. Just as my New York Giants-loving soul will always confidently regard Eli Manning’s miracle escape from a sea of defensive linemen followed by David Tyree’s unfathomable hands-to-helmet catch as the best play in NFL history, I will stand by my belief that BU is in fact the best school on Commonwealth Avenue. So why does our student section, whose combined SATs, ACTs and GREs amount to zillions, and whom the administration recently labeled “modern and cool and decidedly with-it” fail to produce any clever and derisive chants aimed at our rivals?

We know what BC fans will say. The same tired pronouncements they have probably used since the Nicene Conference. Actually, I read that until the 1960s, all BC sporting events were conducted in Latin.

They attack our sporting inadequacies with a barrage of “BU Football.” Yes, making light of our own plight by countering with “undefeated” is one strategy, but it is self-deprecating at best. We concede our honor to those hecklers.

Instead, I motion that we attack their own athletic inadequacies. It’s true Eagles fans have a big-time college football team. But it’s a big-time college football team destined to choke. Remember their torrid 8-0 start to the college football season? They finished 3-3 after that, including an ACC title game loss. But at least they salvaged their season with a victory over 7-6 Michigan State in the vaunted Champs Sports Bowl in Orlando! There’s a reason few Bostonians can pick quarterback Matt Ryan from a police lineup.

In 2004, BC defected from the Big East, the conference it helped launch, to compete in the Atlantic Coast Conference, provoking University of Connecticut basketball coach Jim Calhoun to vow he would never again play a Chestnut Hill squad. With the University of Maryland their closest league opponent, the money-grubbing traitors clearly didn’t make the move for geographic convenience. Benedict Arnold was from New England, too.

The basketball team, whose best player is arguably the legendary Dana Barros, has not advanced past the second round of the NCAA Tournament since 1994. In fact, just like last season’s football team, the 2004-05 Eagles basketball team started hot, ripping off 20 wins to start the year and reaching No. 3 in the AP poll. But, of course, BC cannot sustain success. West Virginia beat them in the Big East conference tournament. Then, in the second round of the NCAA, they lost to powerhouse University of Wisconsin-Milwaukee. The former BC player performing the best in the NBA right now? Sean Williams, who was kicked off the team his junior year.

And what of their greatest sports icon?

I admit Doug Flutie was a fantastic college quarterback, provided an all-time great highlight with his 60-yard bomb to beat the University of Miami and even played well for the Buffalo Bills 13 years after commencement. Most fans forget, however, that he disgraced himself in the NFL after crossing the Players’ Union picket line to break their strike. He had to scurry across the border to reestablish a name for himself and avoid being ostracized by his teammates.

So in addition to going nuts for Sasquatch’s bare back and singing the “Ol’eacute;” song as we watch our hockey team screw itself by accumulating penalty after penalty, let’s mix in some scathing cries of our own at next year’s ‘Pot. Just remind BC fans in a punchy, four-to-five-syllable staccato cry how much they suck at sports.

Or at least let them know their best looking alumna is Amy Poehler. That’s not saying much.