“The following takes place between 9 p.m. and 10 p.m., Monday nights. It is the fifth season of 24 (henceforth referred to as Jack Bauer!!!) the most exciting show on television.”

Fact checkers take note, Jack Bauer!!! is the first television show to be shown in real time for an entire season — one season equals one day.

The Fox guy-drama won critical acclaim for being the realest show on television. People had to eat. People were fatigued. Actions had consequences. However, in recent episodes, Jack Bauer!!! has become a fantastical romp through espionage and terrorism. Reality has become less of an issue. People stopped eating, sleeping and Jack Bauer (Keifer Sutherland), the main character in Jack Bauer!!!, became a badass cross between God, Superman, Santa Claus and Chuck Norris.

So here we are at season five. Terrorists have gained possession of nerve gas and Jack Bauer is on the job. Jack can do anything. Do you hear me? Anything. And the terrorists know this. There is a general rule: If you cross Jack Bauer or hurt one of his friends, kill yourself immediately (it has happened four times this season) or he will stab you in the eye and shoot your wife (that’s only happened twice). Jack Bauer!!! has become ridiculous and impossible but still extraordinary. It is an event.

As invincible as Jack Bauer is — in this week’s episode he runs for a minute and 43 seconds while holding his breath — Jack Bauer!!! is bold in its deviation from the stereotypes that it has created. This season, five of the main characters have died, three in the last two hours.

The show breaks expectations when we, the faithful, need it to. For those interested in addiction, if the ether just isn’t doing it for you anymore, the first four seasons are available on DVD and can be watched in around 16 hours each. (Don’t rack your brain, there are no commercials.) Who knows what the end of this season will bring. Maybe they’ll even kill off Jack — actually, never mind, everyone knows Jack Bauer can’t die.