This week, the ol’ Free Press discovered that genetics can explain a lot about personality. Other than male noncommittal issues, we couldn’t help but wonder what other behaviors would soon be excused through genetic research. Here’s the results of our very scientific study on the human genome:

The numerous Tri-State area girls on campus have a gene that makes their feet grow strange, UGG-like tufts of hair.

Hipsters, naturally wearing tight jeans, have the “scarves during warm weather” gene.

Student body president and BU’s newest rockstar Matt Seidel was found to have the “honorary William Hung” gene.

Our adorable Mayor Menino has the “charisma” gene — proving that some people can escape their genetic predispositions.

College of Engineering students were found to have the “dungeonmasters” gene.

Our favorite artists at the College of Fine Arts were found to have the “Everyday Espresso Royale” gene.

And of course, the staff at The Daily Free Press was found to have, among other strange markers, the “thin and pale” gene, the “involuntary abstinence” gene, the “lone alcoholic” gene, and, in a new discovery, the “newsorexia” gene.