Today’s generation is far more likely to be minding their iPods than minding their manners, according to a recent Associated Press poll. Sixty-nine percent of Americans think current society is “more rude” than 20 or 30 years ago, the AP’s pollsters concluded.
Those interviewed cited parents, television shows and celebrities as the main influences for this chronic cultural rudeness and said they frequently encounter rude people on cell phones, using foul language in public or in television and movies.
“Most people are rude because they were never taught the right behavior,” said Jodi Smith, founder of Mannersmith, an etiquette consulting firm.
Smith’s Salem-based company teaches about manners and etiquette and holds seminars and training sessions nationwide for corporations, professional organizations, colleges and universities.
According to Smith, current society is significantly ruder than past generations, but society as a whole is working to improve its manners through self-education and common sense.
“Etiquette is not rocket science, and you don’t need a competitive college degree in order to get this stuff,” Smith said. “I think you are going to see a return to manners, especially because of the economy. Companies are going to hire people who already have social skills.”
After the “me generation” of the 1980s that focused on money, material goods and social status, “the AIDS epidemic in the mid-90s pulled people back … and connected them to their communities and to the world,” she said. “People realized life was not all about money and that you did need to be nice to other people.”
Smith said it is incorrect to peg Northeasterners as ruder than other regions, such as the South or the Midwest, because etiquette is not about rules — it is situational and culture-specific.
“We just move faster in our interactions and we expect others to do so as well,” she said. “The Yankee tradition is to keep a respectful distance from others, which some people think is standoffish.”
In the past 10 years, her business has served both ill-mannered and well-mannered people from all over the U.S. and from all socio-economic backgrounds whose manners were “dependent on upbringing, not on their bank accounts or color of their skin,” Smith said.
Smith said etiquette involves guidelines and having confidence in yourself and making those around you feel comfortable, and in order for Americans to move forward, a social standard of etiquette must be adopted.
Although most agree that having confidence is important, some say that the inherent problem with current society is the pure lack of social interaction, due to technology and a rushed mentality.
“With cell phones and iPods, you aren’t always making a human connection and because of that, you don’t see first-hand how being nice to someone can help brighten their day,” said Pamela Handelsman, president of the Undergraduate Psychology Association and a College of Arts and Sciences senior.
Handelsman said she went through a major culture shock when she moved to Boston from her hometown of Annapolis, Md. because Northeasterners tend to have “mind your own business” attitudes.
“In Maryland, the culture is much more personable, and people are more willing to reach out and talk to strangers,” Handelsman said. “In Boston, people look at the ground when they walk, which is something I did not get used to for a long time.”
She said she has learned to understand the New England mentality and thinks people are rude because they don’t have the same community connections and ties that existed 20 or 30 years ago.
“Eventually, it has to get better, because people will realize they don’t have the same connections they used to have,” Handelsman said. “Maybe it will be the day where they get locked out of their house and they don’t know their neighbors. But at some point, I think society will realize they need the social connections they may have lost.”
According to Thomas Sander, executive director of a civic engagement group at Harvard University, the loss of social connection is the key reason for urban rudeness.
“If we are less connected with others — neighbors, other residents of a town, fellow students — we pay less of a social cost for being rude,” Sander said in an email.
Sander is the executive director of the Saguaro Seminar on Civic Engagement in America, a part of Harvard University’s John F. Kennedy School of Government. His long-term research project works to increase levels of trust and engagement within communities and focuses on “social capital,” which he said was the value of social networks.
“We suspect that rudeness is higher where social capital is lower, which generally is bigger cities [more] than the heartland,” Sander said.
Sander said that although the rudeness factor is difficult to measure properly, if people are rude to others, formerly courteous people will follow suit because there is no merit in being more civil than the community at large.
“We’ve seen some increases in volunteering, political voting and interest among young people, but we haven’t seen an increase in social connectedness among youth,” Sander said.
Others, like City Convenience store worker Lisa Gillespie, said rudeness stems from a generational disparity, not from a lack of social interaction.
Gillespie, a junior in Sargent College of Health and Rehabilitation Sciences who has worked at City Convenience in Kenmore Square for more than a year, said most college students have the courtesy to take out their earphones or to pause their phone conversations while she helps them at the counter, but some ignore her completely.
“When it comes to cigarettes and we ask for ID, that sometimes annoyed them, but we’re just doing our job,” she said.
Gillespie said her generation has a different mindset, something older generations cannot fully understand. She said younger people in the store do not intend to be impolite, but are often rushing to class or a job.
“None of the kids are rude to me, but a lot of the older generation will get mad at me if I don’t make eye contact or address them correctly,” Gillespie said. “We’re just a different generation. We’re less courteous in general.”