Dear Abby: I’m scared. Next weekend is spring break and my girlfriend is going to Fort Lauderdale, Florida. She’s really pretty so I know she’s going to get some attention, but I don’t want her to cheat on me! Is it weird if I set boundaries? I don’t want to sound too controlling.
Ah, spring break: a time for sun, sand and seriously questionable life choices. Whether you’re lounging by the pool or partying till sunrise, it’s easy to get swept up in the excitement of vacation mode.
Sometimes, you spend the week with your partner, but other times, you might opt for a girls trip or buddies-only vacation. No matter who you go with or where you spend it, I know there’s one lingering thought in the back of the minds of most couples.
Spring break is a different beast. It’s not that your partner is automatically going to go wild, but the sheer environment of it all — mixed with a little too much sun and a few too many tequila shots — can bring out a side of people you might not see when they’re at home
The more I thought about the reputation behind this coveted week, I couldn’t help but wonder: should you be worried about getting cheated on this spring break?
Why are the cheating statistics so high during spring break?
Not to scare you with the numbers, but according to one study, around 30% of college students reported cheating on their partners during spring break through acts of intimacy.
What constitutes cheating? Who’s to say — we all have our own rules. But what is it about spring break that leads to this sudden surge of infidelity? Is it the margaritas? The 80-degree weather? Or is it the glorious “out of sight, out of mind” logic?
Here’s the thing: spring break is essentially a free pass — for both sides. It carries the unspoken rule that “things don’t count.”
There’s also a small matter of “perceived anonymity.”
In your hometown, you can’t even go to the grocery store without running into someone who knows your mom. But on spring break? You’re just another face in the crowd of frat bros, beach bums and vacationers who will never cross your path again. What happens on the beach stays on the beach — or so they tell themselves.
There’s this term in psychology that perfectly describes this feeling, it’s called cognitive dissonance. You can actively realize cheating is wrong and still partake in the act — if and when you’re influenced enough.
Low commitment, high cause for worry
The inspiration behind my exploration of this topic came from a friend of a friend who recently broke things off with someone they were seeing so that they could be single during spring break.
If you read between the lines, that really just means they already knew they had low commitment and didn’t want to brandish themselves as a cheater for whatever happens during spring break.
If you ask me, I would only be worried about spring break if the person you’re seeing has shown cause for low commitment. By that, I mean they’ve cheated on you, they’ve ghosted you or they’ve disrespected your boundaries by flirting or talking to others.
No matter the case, if you feel like you have to keep a watch on them while you’re together, I’d be mindful of spring break.
Set your boundaries, but don’t be controlling
You’re probably saying to yourself, “But Abby! How do I bring this up without sounding accusatory or untrustworthy?”
Well, first of all, someone who really cares about you and is genuine in their intentions won’t react poorly to you simply setting some boundaries or asking questions.
I get it — you don’t want to seem like you care too much, either. But honestly, there is nothing wrong with being open with your partner about how you feel. Their reaction to this is going to be key.
At the end of the day, this isn’t about you reading too deeply into the situation, it’s about setting boundaries so that you both feel respected.
Conversely, this doesn’t mean you should tell your partner where they can go, what they can wear or what they can do on vacation either. It just means you should both come to a mutual understanding about what your plans are, and how you plan to react if someone makes an advance on you.
Someone will always know, even if it’s just you
Let’s have a little moment of introspection here.
A lot of people think that being miles away from their partner gives them the advantage of doing things they’ll never find out about.
But even if your friends don’t see or won’t speak up, and even if you never tell your partner, one person is always going to know what you did — and it’s going to be you.
Day and night, you are going to have to live with the fact that you broke your partner’s trust, and you broke your vow of love by committing an act of infidelity.
My point
Have fun, be safe and enjoy your week off — but don’t forget about where your commitments lie.
Sure, what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas, but I believe your character is something that is transparent. All cheaters share a lot of the same qualities everyone can see plain as day, so don’t become one of them.
However, if you really had to read a how-to guide on how not to cheat, I fear there are other things about yourself you should be questioning.
And don’t forget, Ask Abby always knows.
