Dear Abby: How do you stop talking to your ex? I know we’re toxic together because everytime we see each other, we fight. I always say we need to stop talking but end up being the one to text him to hang out. What should I do?
You might think it’s cliché for a dating advice columnist to say this, but one of my all-time favorite songs is “Silver Springs” by Fleetwood Mac. It’s catchy, but it’s also incredibly relevant to today’s dating culture.
The lyrics capture the universal feeling of never really escaping someone who once held your heart.
In the world of modern dating, we’re often stuck in emotional limbo with lingering feelings for exes — no matter how much we try to move on. The thought of exes can trigger sadness, rage or even frustration.
Enter the half-joke, half-serious concept of “silver springing” someone. It’s the idea that you and all the love you bring with you are unforgettable — like a ghost that will eternally haunt them.
But for as much as this internet trend made me smirk, and as much as I empathize with you — I need you to know that it gets better — if you choose the right path.
The more I thought about your dilemma, I couldn’t help but wonder— are we all someone’s Silver Springs? And if so, how do we get over these feelings of unrequited love and just stop texting them?
Cold turkey — no contact
In a way, I always think it’s easier to end on bad terms than good. It’s far less enticing to keep looking behind at something you resent. Still, no matter how things end, if you’ve ever broken up with someone, you’ve definitely been a little bitter about it.
On one hand, a part of you might never want to speak to your ex again — because you might still feel haunted and cold by their actions.
Meanwhile, the other part of you may want to keep running back into the arms of what it has always known. But the more we turn around, the more we furthered from the end goal of healing.
That’s why I’m going to keep it real with you: you have to stop talking to them.
If they’re always popping up in your notifications like some deranged jack-in-the-box, you’re never going to fully get rid of them. Likewise, if you keep reaching out to them, you’re furthering the connection.
Each time you reach out to them while broken up, you are giving them the added benefit of having you and all your glory without them having to commit or treat you like a partner.
Now that’s just a crappy discount.
Stop stalking their socials
For the love of God, don’t do a social media deep-dive. I’m not saying block them, but also don’t let them take up space in your mind.
I think keeping tabs on your exes on social media is pretty routine for most people. But I think if you truly want to move on, you have to stop caring about what they’re up to and who they’re seeing. Instead, focus on your own happiness.
Hold your tongue at least a little bit
Sorry to say, but everyone who’s dated anyone probably has a crazy story or two to share — it’s natural. Especially once you’ve broken up, it’s easy to let the floodgates go and just get out every negative thing about them you can.
While I’m not a hater of hating — to an extent — you have to realize the more you talk about them, the more they continue to linger in your mind. Even if you’re not being nice, just the very presence of their name in your mouth might keep you subconsciously coming back to them.
They may say “outta sight, outta mind” but I say “outta tongue, out of head.”
Cloak yourself in other kinds of love
Sure, we have a lot of fun with our partners — but that is not all the joy we’re meant to have. That’s why we have friends, family and hobbies — to give ourselves a sense of purpose and spirit outside romantic relationships.
You don’t need to go texting your ex for a good time because, deep down, you know it’s not a good time. It’s merely a reminder — a teaser even — of something you once had.
Don’t give your ex the opportunity to dangle the carrot in front of your nose by constantly crawling back to them. Turn to friends, rediscover old hobbies and learn to be happy with just yourself.
Once you can do that, it’s a lot easier not to depend on them for your means of entertainment and support.
The best revenge is moving on
Make them miss you. That is the single best piece of dating advice I have ever heard. Sometimes, when we run back to our exes, we give them the one thing they want— the feeling of importance and desirability.
Of course, they’ll never admit to it — and this is why we have to restrain ourselves from sending that text message or making that phone call.
Make them realize losing you was a mistake, and their punishment is you moving on — no longer being there at their beck and call.
Stevie Nicks really puts it best when she said, “You’ll never get away from the sound of the woman that loves you.”
You have to know that your love is powerful and enduring — even if it is taken for granted at first.
I love “Silver Springs” because the point is simply put.
You will move on.
It takes time, self-compassion and sometimes even rethinking what it means to truly “get over” someone. It’s about creating space for new love and for healing without letting your ex continue to echo in your heart.
