The National Weather Service Hurricane Center is reporting this season’s latest storm, Hurricane Theo, could cause more devastation than Katrina and Rita combined. Initial storm tracks estimate wind speeds equivalent to the fiercest atop Mt. Washington as the hurricane makes its way toward the Atlantic seaboard.

It is by far the largest storm ever seen in the history of the NWS, large enough to obliterate the East Coast, deep South, Mississippi River Valley and the Rocky Mountain Range before sweeping up the West Coast. The hurricane will briefly hit the Alaskan Coast before a backspin causes a curl into the middle of the Pacific Ocean, drowning Hawaii with waves in excess of 200 feet.

Scientists are comparing Theo in size to the storm depicted in the highly realistic disaster film “The Day After Tomorrow.”

Alright, BU, everything written above is a hoax. Obviously, a storm of that magnitude is impossible. But that doesn’t mean Hurricane Theo doesn’t exist. As Hurricane Rita battered the Texas-Louisiana coastline this past weekend, sending natives and displaced New Orleanian Katrina victims to higher ground, Hurricane Theo was hovering over the Atlantic in anticipation of inevitable landfall.

At this point confusion has probably settled in your minds. “What was this nutty kid on when he wrote this?” you’re thinking. Hurricane Theo can be interpreted as the imminent resources debate this nation will need to address in the wake of 2005’s hurricane season. For this writer, Hurricane Theo is two things: theory and theology.

The theory cannot be stated until the theology has been explained first. According to Catholic doctrine, God is omnipotent and all-knowing. Why would God cause us harm if we are loved unconditionally? Why is disaster the plan God has for America? A logical conclusion is for us to open our eyes, especially those of our national caretakers. Millions are homeless and have lost everything. Millions have no jobs to go back to. More than 1,000 people have died, either by circumstance or negligence. Children are missing out on their education. Meanwhile, we are fighting a “war” that is expending billions of dollars, even though our purpose for giving Iraq a makeover at this point is clearly unclear.

Now for the theory part: God is trying to alert Americans that government action and priorities aren’t properly aligned. Proposing these hurricanes is a sign from God that America needs to help America fix itself as its exclusive interest will likely not fly with a lot of people, maybe even none of you. But divine intervention happens; this author can personally attest to that.

Dear reader, step back and look at this country as if you had a two-dimensional world map handy. Two of the largest hurricanes ever have set back two vital U.S. cities (New Orleans and Houston), and in order to recover each city is rebuilding with relief money that will total tens of billions of dollars. It’s a bigger tragedy than the Old English Dictionary has a word for. Money to rebuild quickly and effectively is the dire issue. If that means President Bush has to pull the plug on NASA funding or political party poker night at the White House funding or (gasp) the War in Iraq for a little while, he must do it for the sake of the Union. No questions asked. Quite frankly, President Bush shouldn’t need divine intervention to tell him or his top advisors that this is what needs to be done. Nor is this article proposing that the government should reunite church and state to solve the crisis. President Bush should know it in his heart. Why? Because he is an American president who knows his duty is to serve America before all else.

Let’s face it: Mother Nature has been ravaging the Gulf Coast like an abusive foster parent. America is supposed to be a home, Americans the family it shelters. Our soldiers need to come home. They need to be part of our family again, a family including rich and poor, young and old, black and white, Christian and Muslim, man and woman. We are proud of the work they’ve done, and it’s only right that the opposite should be true also. God supports peace and equality, not war and bullying.

As rapper Nas asked in a 2001 song, “How can the president fix all the problems when he ain’t fix home yet?” Taking that question a step further, can we truly call America a home at the moment? Or is it merely a family tree with several branches scattered in the surrounding soil? Something to ponder.

Come to think of it, how did God help Moses and the Israelites escape Egyptian persecution and become a nation again? He parted the Red Sea … with the wind.