Earlier this week, you wrote about how to start a Facebook message to a guy from a long time ago. What about the rest of the letter? You’ve inspired me to write to a long-lost girlfriend, but I only know the first three sentences.
Just Once Say Hello (Josh)
What I wrote during the discussion from two weeks ago was a strong start, but I understand the need for the rest of the letter. After all, every letter to Penthouse Forum begins with ‘I never thought it would happen to me,’ but it’s the rest of the anecdote that makes the story worth reading. Obviously, your letter will need to be personal, and hopefully include specific details about your relationship with your real ex-girlfriend, but here is our letter, Josh, from the bottom of my heart. May we once again be reunited.
Josh, I know it has been a long time since we last spoke, (I think it was online, during my train ride up to the city when we discussed my conversation with the stranger sitting next to me), but I need you to know that I think about you often. I don’t know if you feel the same way, or if you’ve moved on to another lucky girl (or guy), but according to Facebook you’re still single, and that’s given me enough hope to write you this letter.
I know things ended right when we were finally considering giving what we had a real shot, and I’m not sure whether I was too scared to take that leap, or if it was just bad timing with your new job, but either way, I wish I had another opportunity to tell you how I feel. The final texts I sent you were on the poor advice of a friend who has since told me that she didn’t want me to be happy, and I knew from the moment I hit ‘send,’ that I should have just forgotten the whole thing.
We’ve both grown up a lot since that time. I’m a successful sex columnist and a soon-to-be graduate with several job offers, and you are finally pursuing your dream with that company that provides a great service while using words like ‘anonymize’ and ‘hybrid synergy.’ I hope everything is going well with you, and that you’re enjoying life in the real world.
You may not even read this, but just the fact that I am able to write it down and send it has given me some sort of emotional closure for our relationship. If you do end up reading this, and you still feel the way I do about you, I would love it if you would contact me again. Otherwise, know that this will be my official letter of goodbye to you. It was a pleasure to share the time we did together.
My boyfriend is abroad this semester. I keep getting asked to dance and hook up at parties at BU, but I feel like I have to be faithful to him. Is it wrong to go home with another guy, even if we’re not going to have sex? Sometimes I’m just craving something physical and using pictures from my boyfriend isn’t enough. How can I get a little without him finding out and getting mad?
This is a difficult question, because it requires so much additional information to answer completely. Unfortunately, I was unable to get back in touch with you, so I’m going to do the best that I can with the assumptions I’m making about your personality. For purposes of this question, we’ll assume you are female, you’ve never talked this over with your boyfriend, and you are able to find guys to hook up with on campus.
Before I go on, let me say that one of the goals for this column is to encourage healthy sex lives, healthy relationships and positive conversations about sexual health. Fidelity is important for a relationship to survive, but, as my reader mentioned above, she also isn’t currently experiencing a healthy sex life. So, which is more important to preserve in the long run? Don’t just run out and cheat on him. I promise that you’ll hurt him, and he’ll dump you when he finds out. I would encourage you to have a conversation with your boyfriend via Skype where you can both express how opening up the relationship to outside sexual partners will ultimately be important to the longevity of your relationship.
By asking for permission to ‘cheat’ upfront, you’re also giving him the opportunity to have some fun abroad, a chance that not many attached men get. Who knows, you may even end up with a threesome partner, or a healthy open relationship when he gets back next semester!
Luke Pearson a weekly columnist for The Daily Free Press. He can be reached at lpsexquestions@gmail.com
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