I have two separate Instagram accounts: one where I pretend to be effortlessly cool, fun, artsy and have my life together, and one where I’m supposed to be unfiltered, unbothered and free. And yet, here I am — filtering and bothering.
I know how messed up it is. I use filters because I don’t like how my skin looks, and then I dislike my skin more because I’m constantly comparing it to the filtered version. It’s a version of me that doesn’t exist but somehow feels more real than my reflection.
I love it, but I know every “clean girl” aesthetic, every dewy no-makeup makeup routine and every “morning shed” ritual is just another layer of consumerism dressed up as self-care. But knowing doesn’t stop me. If anything, it makes me more fascinated. I don’t just want to use these products — I want to understand why we want them so badly in the first place.
What I wrote in my journal abroad didn’t seem worth sharing since many entries were half-formed thoughts. But there’s more there than I initially realized. I wrote for the hell of it — which, I think, is the best type of writing. Now, I'm diving into my unfiltered journal entries from abroad — they’re raw, real and vulnerable.
Dear readers,
Despite my outgoing and goofy personality around close friends and family, I often found myself conforming to societal norms around anyone else, dimming down what made me genuinely me — a classic case of teenage nonsense. Since stepping foot on campus in Boston, I've felt a profound shift. While I'm far from having it all figured out, I've certainly found more of myself than ever before.
I vividly recall my introduction to foundation, courtesy of CoverGirl, that my mother bought me from our local CVS. While my prepubescent skin arguably didn't require such coverage, the act of applying makeup still bestowed a sense of beauty and confidence, even though it looked like crap. I recently made a point to treat myself to new beauty finds over spring break. Now, allow me to share with you the discoveries that have earned a permanent place in my beauty regimen this month.
My attention span is not too long — I blame TikTok. After a taxing day of classes and schoolwork, "Modern Family" or "How I Met Your Mother" are my go-to choices for winding down. Movies require too much brainpower for me, and I usually need to be in a specific mood to watch them — or so I thought.
I noticed him perched alongside about fifty doppelgängers on a shelf. Oh, the celebrity and star he was. He was the guy I've been reading about in my kindergarten class, but now he was right in front of my little eyes.
Music has always been there as a constant and reassuring presence in my life. Today, I'd like to share with you a few of my most treasured and meaningful song lyrics.
If you walk into my house, you’ll see dachshund decorations, wiener dog-shaped cookie cutters and blankets with Fudge’s face on it. Oh, did I mention he was a dachshund? A fat dachshund whom I love — loved. Our family group chat on iMessage is still called “Fudgie Fans.” Still is. Even though he's gone.
As I began this new semester, I spent some time reflecting on how I launched my column in October with a piece titled: "Obsessions of the week," which, as you can clearly tell by the name, dove into the things that enthralled me at the time. It only seems natural to me that in this first piece of the semester, I share my fixations of the month.
