Our school has a lot of great things going for it: We’re a highly respected academic institution, we’re located in America’s best city and we have a fashion sense far superior to any other school in the country.
Except for those guys at the University of Idaho.
Man, do they know how to coordinate their plaid and earth tones.
Then there’s our men’s hockey team, a defining element of our athletic department and the school as a whole. Not to say that our other sports teams aren’t worthy of the same attention, but the events that will always attract more people than anything else are the hockey games.
That’s why I was upset when the school ruled that swearing wouldn’t be tolerated at our games. Not only would this take away from the total experience of the game, but it cut my gametime vocabulary in half.
It couldn’t have come at a worse time either. I was already having a terrible fall after finding out I couldn’t eat spinach without getting E. coli. Watching my Popeye DVD just isn’t the same as it used to be.
It wasn’t until the first exhibition game against New Brunswick that I understood how serious the problem would be for me.
When I went to cheer for the first time, I realized there was nothing encouraging I could say for my team without swearing in seven different languages or insulting members of the world’s four largest religions and the indigenous peoples of the Andes Mountains.
I’m seeking counseling.
While not everyone shares in my extensive vulgarity, the new policy affects all students that attend the hockey games. Over the years, swearing has imbedded itself in our cheers more than McDonald’s is embedded in America’s obesity problem.
Too obvious? Shut up and finish your cheeseburger.
Our student section has already altered some of its chants to adjust to the new parameters of family friendly Agganis Arena.
For instance, we’ve added to our classic third period chants to create “Anheuser-Busch, St. Louis Missouri, Let’s Get Drunk! If We’re 21!”
And then there’s my personal favorite, “Tequila! Let’s Get More Drunk! If We’re 21 And Not Operating A Motor Vehicle!”
They’re catchy if you just give them a chance.
Luckily, there are many aspects of the hockey game that will never change no matter how fan decorum is restricted.
For one thing, our student section will always know when to use our classic clean cheers to get our team rolling, whether it’s informing the opposing goalie that he’s ugly or reciting the Preamble to the Constitution to rally during a penalty kill.
Or at least that’s what I chant while all you conformists are singing “Ole!”
Away from the game, event staff at Agganis provides the fans with promotions that go on during breaks in play, including T-shirt giveaways, the Qdoba lucky row and the kitten toss.
Although I feel the ring of fire is a little much considering the cats are already shaved and dipped in gasoline.
Another popular source of distraction from the game, the Kiss Cam, fills the big screen with random couples picked to share an awkward kiss in front of the entire crowd. Sometimes I think they go too far.
For instance, many people shifted uneasily in their seats at the Yale University game Saturday night when the camera stopped on a 12-year-old boy sitting next to a Catholic priest.
It’s still too soon.
Between periods, the fans are always provided with entertainment to kill time before the game picks up again.
During the first intermission, we usually get to watch a Mites game, where a team of youngsters gets the chance to shine on the Terrier ice. The fans are just as much invested in this game as they are in the main one, cheering on the success of both teams and bowing when the goalies make a save.
Our fans do their part to start the recruiting process of these young stars because it’s important these players start looking at BU early.
Signs are a popular recruiting tool. I saw one last week that read, “Timmy McGee — We Want You For Class of ’23.”
Others include, “Rough ‘Em Up, Rough ‘Em Up, Commit to BU” and “Can Anyone Do My Laundry Because I’m All Out Of Clean Underwear.”
Although, that last one wasn’t all that relevant.
And, in retrospect, I shouldn’t have clued the entire crowd into the fact that I was going commando.
The biggest home game of the hockey season will be this Saturday when Boston College comes to town. It’s important that while our team does its part on the ice, the fans do their share from the stands.
Even though our cheers and taunts are limited since we can’t swear, I’m sure that our witty student section will come up with clean, original cheers to combat our nemesis.
If not, we’ll always have the kitten toss.
Kiel Servideo, a sophomore in the College of Communication, is a weekly columnist for The Daily Free Press. He can be reached at [email protected].