My body has taken a serious hit since the lockdown started last March. This makes me mad because I was living my best hot girl life before then.
For those of you who don’t know me, I’m one of those bitches who wakes up at 6:00 a.m. to workout and am constantly bouncing from the moment I step off the elliptical. I am not, however, the type to tell people they’re worthless if they don’t enjoy exercising.
I want to make that last point very clear — if I give anyone health or fitness tips, it’s explicitly because they asked me, not because I want clout. And more importantly, I don’t want people to get the vibe that I have sex with a T-shirt on because I feel like those people usually belong to the same community.
Needless to say, not going to the gym since its initial closure has been a tough adjustment, which started taking a toll on me in the recent winter months. I do at-home pilates now, but I had the means to also do gym cardio during winter break before the pandemic.
I think I’ve maintained a solid routine despite lockdown restrictions and cold weather. But from a cosmetic standpoint, I miss how shredded the cardio machines made my core in the dead of winter. Sports Illustrated has not contacted me, but that doesn’t mean they never will. Plus, if I ever run into Leonardo Dicaprio, I do, in fact, want him to be blown away by my sculpted naked body.
My best friend shares this lamentation, and we’ve formed a wellness support group as we quarantine together. This week, she hit me with a pressing question that I think deserves its own space in the platform that is this column:
First off, girl, I feel you. I, too, am “bloated and disgusting.” Normally I would not endorse detoxing, but I understand where she’s coming from in this case, and I say go for it.
If you feel like absolute crap and don’t have the energy or means to work out at home, taking a week to adopt a low-to-no-fat diet packed with lean protein, green juice and veggies is probably a smart idea. Not only will it kill your sugar cravings, but it’ll allow your kidneys and liver to focus on processing antioxidants and vitamins. Plus, if your skin is nasty and you’ve been feeling sluggish (which she claims is the case), slamming your bloodstream with essential nutrients will make you a glowing goddess and at least boost your confidence.
As far as bloating goes, I’m the queen of it. Drinking tons of green tea, water and apple cider vinegar throughout the day is not only a good way to stay hydrated, but also wakes up your metabolism and reminds it to do its thang. That’s crucial for maximizing any physical activity you do during the day and will also ensure you get a good night’s sleep.
All of that said, I still feel like a blob. But revitalizing oneself for a week is a good way to at least feel less blob-ish. With warmer weather making it easier to go running again, I think we are en route to a hot girl summer once again. And does anything else even matter?