While there’s nothing wrong with a situationship, we often tend to end up in them because we are unclear about what we want.
But I’m here to share my experiences, and give some advice on what to do and how to show up for yourself.
The other night, I texted someone — well, actually, two people — who had ghosted me. I know — it’s crazy, but that’s how I cope.
Also, everyone around me knows I’m not exactly emotionally stable in the beginning of a relationship.
I don’t want someone to be in my life if they’re going to make me feel bad for my feelings.
But, that’s definitely a skill issue on my end.
Now, back to the crazy thing I did. I was talking with one of my past situationships, and I simply asked him why he ghosted me.
Ghosting always leaves things so open-ended, which I dislike. I need things to be clear-cut.. Maybe that’s not super “high value” for me, but that’s how I operate.
If you were spending a lot of time with me, sharing our feelings, it would be unfair not to owe me an explanation.
While you can’t control people’s thoughts and actions, you can control your own and speak up when you feel like something is wrong or unfair. People can be so avoidant, but I don’t think there’s anything wrong with being emotional and sensitive.
The way of surviving life and situationships is that you have to know that you can’t control someone’s thoughts or actions — you can only control your own. Here are just a few tidbits of advice and lessons I’ve learned that have helped me navigate my experiences with situationships.
1. If something is bothering you, bring it up.
Some of us are so afraid of losing a connection with someone by speaking up, but if that connection was meant to last, it wouldn’t be broken by honesty.
If someone doesn’t respect your feelings, they were never the right person for you in the first place.
2. If you feel powerless in a situationship, know you can take your power back.
The easiest way to do this is by communicating with the other person and then deciding if they are good for you or not. You always have the power to walk away if something no longer serves you.
3. Don’t mistake a situationship for a real friendship.
I have this bad habit of seeing situationships as friendships, and it hurts me when communication just drops off. But a real friend doesn’t disappear on you.
Recognize that situationships are often built on temporary interest, not genuine care.
4. When someone cuts you off, let them.
It’s easy to chase closure or seek an explanation — but the truth is, if someone wanted to stay, they would.
If they come back, take a moment to decide if that’s really what you want. You don’t have to accept someone back just because they regret leaving.
5. There’s no “right” way to handle a situationship.
Whether you keep a roster, take a break from dating or move on quickly — it’s your choice. Don’t let people shame you for how you deal with your emotions. Healing looks different for everyone.
6. Your decisions always lead you where you’re meant to be.
No decision is ever “wrong” because every one leads to growth. Even mistakes help shape you into the person you’re meant to become.
7. Don’t chase an ideal version of yourself at the expense of who you are now.
Personal growth is amazing, but don’t hate yourself for who you are at that moment. You are allowed to be a work in progress while still loving yourself along the way.
8. Detach from the outcome, but maintain your standards.
If you go into a situationship, know that most don’t last. Keep your standards and boundaries in place. Don’t expect things to turn into a relationship and don’t accept behavior that makes you feel disrespected.
9. Communication is key, even in casual relationships.
It might feel weird to communicate boundaries with someone who isn’t technically your significant other but do it anyway. If they don’t respect how you feel, then you already have your answer you’re looking for.
10. Never let someone make you feel like your emotions are too much.
If they can’t handle your feelings, they aren’t the right person for you. You deserve someone who values your emotions instead of making you feel bad for expressing them. If you know me, you know that I’m a lover girl. I am not a situationship warrior. I care deeply, and I am genuine about my moves and intentions.
As for my most recent situationship, I have a lot of care for this person, and I admire them. But because of that, I respect their decisions — even if they hurt me.
I’ve grown to be okay with that because I’ve come to realize you can’t control outcomes and other people— you can’t force someone to be with you.
What’s so important when you get into these things is to communicate, be detached from the outcome and understand that, seven times out of ten, they end up going nowhere.
Don’t overthink too much about it.
This advice applies to life in general — overthinking never actually solves anything.
Hold your standards, have boundaries and don’t let anyone make you feel like your emotions don’t matter.
Most importantly — whatever happens, trust that you’ll be okay.
