Dear Abby: Last week, a grown man asked for my Snapchat. I fear romance in our generation is doomed. Please reassure me it’s not. Am I just judging too quickly?
I’ll be blunt: if you want to give yourself a shot with somebody, you have to ask for their number, not their Snapchat — let me explain.
I’m not someone who hates dating apps or finding love through social media — trust me, I’ve seen some great relationships blossom online. But I take issue with people using it as their sole crutch for love.
I’ve always had a soft spot for old-fashioned romance — the kind where you meet someone in person, ask for their number and pick them up for a real date. There’s something about that organic interaction that feels more authentic.
The more we immerse ourselves in the digital world, the more that sentiment feels like a thing of the past.
People seem almost freaked out when you approach them in person to ask them out, and some honestly don’t even know how to start a conversation with someone they’re interested in.
For a generation that claims to crave the kind of unconditional devotion and passion seen in films like “The Notebook” — you could’ve fooled me with the way some of you act!
We seem to have forgotten that real connection often happens in the most unexpected, in-person moments, not just through swipes and texts. The more I thought about this concept, I couldn’t help but wonder: how much further are we getting from the kind of romance we romanticize?
Stop using Snapchat
I didn’t think I would have to say this.
At a party, my friend shared that she met a man in his late 20s and had a good time with him, but he didn’t ask for her phone number at the end of the evening.
Even though he expressed interest in seeing her again, rather than asking for her number, he said something along the lines of, “You got a snap?”
I know some may think I’m being overly harsh, but if there’s mutual interest, asking for a phone number shows you’re genuinely interested in taking things further. Sure, sending a quick snap can be fun, but does it really set the stage for meaningful communication?
I’m sorry, but sending a few dry photos back and forth every day isn’t exactly what I’d call romance — it feels like the opposite.
An app like Snapchat is not a valid form of communication for building something real. It’s more of a distraction and a way to avoid anything serious.
If you’re truly interested in someone, pick up the phone, make an effort and treat them with the respect they deserve.
That’s how you build something that lasts.
But Abby, I’m scared!
Not only has social media tarnished the dating world, it’s made us all scared of it. In a way, it’s almost startling for someone to come up out of the blue and ask you out.
Is that perhaps because we’ve become so accustomed to online messaging that we can’t fathom the thought of someone approaching us organically? I mean, isn’t that how our parents did it?
Conversely, it also makes those on the proactive side of things more nervous to approach someone — you don’t want to scare them! You also don’t want to be rejected.
Somehow, the digital barrier softens the blow.
Giving romance CPR
Now, for the moment you’ve all been waiting for: if you actually want to make a shot that lands, you’ve got to be authentic and genuine.
If you’re in person — ask for their phone number. But don’t just blurt it out.
Take a moment to chat, get to know their name — and yes, you can compliment their beauty — but don’t stop there. Dig a little deeper. If it’s clear they’re not into it, back off gracefully.
Now, if you’re approaching someone on the street, it’s perfectly understandable if they don’t want to give out their number for safety reasons.
I know I’ve given out my Instagram handle more times than my number. Social media offers a bit of privacy while still letting us get to know each other better.
But honestly, you’d be surprised how refreshed some women might feel to be asked appropriately for her number and not her snap.
So sure, slide into the DMs if Instagram is where you find them, but ultimately, work your way towards exchanging numbers as you get more familiar with one another.
The biggest mistake I see people making lies within their interactions. They come on too strong, struggle to take the conversation off social media or just don’t know how to make a move at all.
I could offer advice for a ton of different scenarios, but let me leave you with a few simple rules of thumb.
Be real, take your time and know when to take the next step.
Want to know how I’d do it?
If you start on social media, make some small talk and exchange the basics — and as you go to peel things off the app, offer them your number to “make things easier.”
But if you want to get to that stage, you can’t slide in like a creep. Be friendly, send a compliment and be nice and conversational. No one wants to get hit with a heart eye emoji or a “ur hot” text.
All of this is to say that romance doesn’t have to die with our generation. Sure, we’re not sending love letters by carrier pigeons like I know they did in the olden days — but a little authenticity goes a long way.
Free yourself from the nonchalant, noncommittal shackles pushed on us by social media, and you’ll be on the right path to finding real love.
