A friend once shared something that hit home: “You can’t expect to be happy in a relationship until you’re happy with yourself.”
This truth was hard to swallow.
For years, I searched for happiness in all the wrong places, including validation from others and relationships that weren’t meant to last.
Over time, I realized that happiness is something that must come from within. After countless heartbreaks, I’ve come to understand that I need to be alone, and not because I want to be.
I can’t rely on someone else to fix me or make me whole.
I was so focused on finding someone to share my life with that I forgot how to be content on my own.
When left to face my own company, I struggled. I often felt like I’m not enough or like there’s something wrong with me.
Every relationship consumed me, and when they ended, I didn’t know who I was anymore. I lost myself, and that emptiness left me feeling hollow.
I realized I was stuck in a cycle — chasing something I thought would make me happy, only to be left drained and empty when it didn’t last.
I gave so much to others that I forgot to take care of myself. When they left, I was left with less of me — less joy and less love.
I’ve learned that happiness is an inside job.
It sounds simple, but it’s something I fought against for years.
I tried to fill the void with people, achievements and success, but it was never enough. Happiness wasn’t something I could borrow from outside myself — it had to come from within.
Growing up, I was taught that love had to be earned.
My family only praised me when I succeeded. So, I believed love, affection and validation had to be chased. I thought I had to prove I was worthy of them.
But the harsh reality is you can never prove your worth to everyone. When you rely on external validation, you lose sight of who you really are.
I’ve spent years chasing jobs, love and approval. In the process, my worth became dependent on things I couldn’t control — the opinions of others and the outcome of my efforts.
When those things didn’t go as planned, I felt like a failure, not just at tasks but at life itself.
It’s been a long journey, and I’m still learning, but I now understand that no matter what we chase, the emptiness will remain if we don’t find peace within ourselves.
We can get the job, the relationship and the success, but without inner happiness, none of it will fill us.
When any of those things slip away, so does our happiness.
“The root of suffering is attachment.” This quote has always stuck with me. I’ve attached my happiness to things I couldn’t control: other people’s opinions and my own relationships and achievements.
I’m learning that happiness doesn’t come from what you acquire but from what you cultivate within yourself.
It’s a painful but necessary lesson.
The world will keep throwing challenges at us. People will come and go. Life will be hard at times. But what can we do other than try to make peace with the pain?
Making happiness an inside job isn’t easy, but it’s the only way to find lasting peace. Once we create happiness within ourselves, we can share that peace with others.
A while ago, a friend gave me a fortune paper that said, “Make happiness happen.” It’s simple, but I’ve kept it close to my heart.
In dark moments, when everything seems lost, we still have the power to make light. It doesn’t come easily, but it’s possible. And when we find that light, we can share it with others who need it.
I’ve seen the power of choosing happiness even in darkness.
I used to work in the cardiac intensive care unit, a place filled with sadness.
One night, I was with a patient nearing the end of her life. I had just gone through a breakup and was hurting.
But as I watched her, I realized I had a choice.
I didn’t want my pain to define the moment. So, I made a joke. For a brief moment, she smiled. We connected.
I realized that even in the darkest times, we can bring a little light.
I’ve experienced so much loss, and at times, it feels overwhelming. But I’ve learned that pain, heartbreak and struggle don’t define us.
We get to choose how we move forward.
It’s never easy, but when we make happiness an inside job, we can light the way for those walking through their own darkness.
When we learn to be at peace with ourselves and stop chasing external things, we can start cultivating love and joy within — that’s when true healing begins.
Perhaps that’s the greatest gift we can give — our own light in a world that can often feel too dark.
