A girl’s self-esteem is doomed the moment she is born.

For the world is a judge of all of her qualities, good or bad.

Before women can cultivate a place for themselves, find their true interests and explore, they are forced to be on the battlefront of self-preservation against external perceptions.

You question yourself, asking if you were rude just now or how you could’ve come off more likable. Cut to 10 minutes later, where you are left with hot flashes and anxiety, replaying the exact moment where you slipped up.

It is an instinctual feeling fostered in us before the end of time to be extra polite, overly wary of exactly how much space you are taking up and what should say before you’re written off as too much.

God forbid you do what you like — the world will come crashing down.

I don’t know about you, but I am exhausted.

Sometimes I feel I cannot fully feel myself because subconsciously I am worried about being more palatable to the world.

The saying “It is a man’s world” has been deeply etched into my throat ever since I was young, bleeding me dry without my permission.

It doesn’t help that I haven’t had the best luck romantically. Too often have I been made to feel like a bother for simply being myself, as I shrunk every ounce of authenticity and individuality until there was nothing left.

When I do experience a crush, I remind myself the best thing I can do is be selfish with my time and energy and see who sticks around.

But it is so counterintuitive. Women are taught to put the needs of others above their own, so by default, we try to present ourselves to be as likable as possible.

You might say this is just a case of bad luck and resentment, but it is not. Even if it were the case, it is way beyond that.

This feeling, even if not in regards to men specifically, comes out when you worry about coming off a certain way — or not wearing that outfit because you feel you won’t be able to handle the eyes that follow it.

The world doesn’t want you to be comfortable with yourself. Take social media, for example. We are constantly reminded that we should all follow the same beauty standard. If you don’t have a certain hip-to-waist ratio, style or personality that fits within a Pinterest board, you are wrong and need to be re-adjusted.

This also translates to personal relationships, where many people — often without realizing it — cling to the fantasy of a woman more than the reality of one.

Carrie in “Sex and the City” is a great example of sitting down with other women and then discussing male behavior. The show displays her sleepless nights about Mr. Big as she tries to fit into his world, while he never bothered to be anyone but himself, doing what made him feel comfortable.

In my own life, I’ve noticed many of the men around me move through the world without the same constant self-questioning women are taught to carry.

To be a man is to want. To be a woman is to be ashamed of wanting at all.

A man doesn’t care when it comes to doing what he wants and taking up as much space as he would like, while women are encouraged to shove their feelings down their throat.

Of course, this isn’t everyone’s experience, but it’s a pattern many of us recognize instantly.

Often, being myself comes at the risk of perpetual self-defense — being too dressed up means you are trying too hard, while being too plain means you are also trying too hard.

Now, this isn’t a sermon preaching how men are horrible and face no problems. But being a selfish woman is the best thing you can do for yourself.

Lately, I sit back and observe what behaviors make me feel my best instead of neglecting myself to make others’ lives easier.

It’s uncomfortable at first, but choosing what’s best for you means being an inconvenience. And we all know how, as women, we should keep to ourselves and not cause inconveniences.

Why should I rob myself of happiness to make you feel comfortable?

I do not.

And who said you had to be comfortable?

I did not.

With selfishness, there comes such a lightness because to be selfish is to be worry-free. And when worries go, you begin focusing on what brings you life and happiness, not how you can bring it to others.

We’ve all come to appreciate idealized versions of each other, including ourselves, but in this fantasy play, we’ve forgotten what actually makes us best is unequivocal authenticity. It is a timeless medicine.

But you cannot spend the rest of your life breaking yourself open for people who wouldn’t think twice about trampling over you.

This doesn’t mean you should be like them. Tread with kindness in your heart, but also do not be afraid to stand up and fight for your peace.

Be your biggest advocate, as the behaviors you foster now are the ones you’ll deal with for the rest of your life.

In the meantime, do not let external perceptions prevent your own happiness.

Let this serve as a reminder to be unapologetically yourself. Be selfish, be you and be safe.

Till we meet again,

Nino.