As a Boston University student, I’ve gotten so used to our motto “BC Sucks” that sometimes I forget about the other entities out there that suck. The show Laguna Beach sucks. Waking up at 8 a.m. for class sucks. And most of all, the Yankees suck.

This past week I’ve been pleasantly reminded just how much the Yankees suck, and well, it’s been fun. For those of you unfamiliar (and just because I enjoy writing it), Saturday the Yankees were eliminated from the playoffs, falling to the Tigers three games to one.

Now before I delve into the details of Yankee suck-dom, I know there are some BU students out there who are, sadly, Yankees fans. Maybe you were born in the Bronx, maybe you were a frontrunner back in the 1920’s or maybe you are mentally unstable; it’s not important why. What’s important is that now is your chance to trade in your pinstripes and become a Red Sox fan-tear up your contract with the devil, throw out your Derek Jeter cologne and start working on your recipe for Mango Salsa.

The timing has never been better: If you convert now it won’t look like you’re jumping on the bandwagon just because the Sox are winning. You live in Boston and are at most a half-hour walk from Fenway Park. Let yourself get caught up in the excitement. At Boston University we don’t have a varsity baseball team of our own, so adopting the Red Sox is a logical choice. And the best reason to switch to the Sox, simply put: the Yankees suck!

It’s hard to define exactly what makes the Yankees suck. There is some intangible quality, a certain feeling you get when you see their uniforms, an urge to throw up only Tim McCarver’s voice can induce and the fact that Derek Jeter’s middle name is Sanderson. The best I can do is to explain certain aspects of the Yankees that particularly suck.

First and foremost: Alex Rodriguez, he sucks. A-Rod is 3-for-29 without any home runs or RBI in the Yankees’ last two playoff series. Let’s be honest. The playoffs are the only time of the year that matters for a team that buys division titles and could make the playoffs with or without A-Rod. That means that A-Rod has been paid $51,361,454 over the past two years for his .103 batting average. Least Valuable Player has never so accurately described an athlete.

Think about the fact that A-Rod hit eighth in the Yankees lineup Saturday in what was their biggest game of the season. Eighth is where you put your worst, maybe second-worst, hitter. For years people have been saying A-Rod is, or will become one of the greatest baseball players of all-time. Now he’s dropped below Marcus Thames, the Tigers eighth batter, in the pecking order. If that isn’t evidence enough, Rodriguez admitted it himself Saturday when he said, “I sucked.” Yes, you did Alex.

An equally sucky player is Derek Jeter. Many find him to be the most likeable Yankee. After all, he was drafted and came up through the Yankee system, is a constant professional and dated Mariah Carey. Those are the exact reasons why I hate Derek Jeter. My friends tell me that I’m just jealous of his good looks, millions of dollars and four World Series rings and yes, that’s probably somewhat true. But there is more to why I hate Jeter. He symbolizes all that is Yankee: making money, being clean-cut and dating beautiful women-what sucks more than that?

Due to their owner’s personal desires, Yankees are forced to remain clean-shaven and to cut their hair short. Johnny Damon isn’t the brightest bulb in the batch, but when he was with the Sox he had his style that made him somebody. Now with the Yankees he’s just an idiot. He went from looking like Jesus to looking like a 12-year-old choir boy. George Steinbrenner raped him of his identity, just like he did to Jason Giambi and Randy Johnson before him. That sucks.

You can see the biggest difference between the Yankees and the Sox in how they celebrate big hits. A Yankee will come back to the dugout, high five a Mike Mussina or a Gary Sheffield, sit back down and continue discussing how his stocks are doing. A Red Sox will be greeted by Wily Mo Pena for the kind of handshake that dazzles the eye and boggles the mind; he’ll salute the crowd before returning to the dugout for a little celebratory dancing. Coolness is a major factor when it comes to rooting for a sports team, and the Yankees are the least cool team in all of sports, no doubt, no arguments. They are a bunch of stiffs.

Another season has ended, and thank goodness the Yankees did not win the World Series. I don’t even need the Red Sox to make the playoffs. As long as we’ve won a World Series more recently than those Damn Yankees, I’m happy.

(Note: I would like to apologize if I offended any Laguna Beach fans in this column, but seriously, what is the show? Staged reality? I just can’t get into it.)

Josh Lerner, a senior in the College of Arts and Sciences, is a weekly columnist for The Daily Free Press. He can be reached at [email protected].