Allston residents say students party too much? Well I, as a student, say that Allston residents don’t party enough. I say to them: don’t lie awake, huddled under your blankets while that boy befouls your flower garden again and again. Turn off “The O’Reilly Factor,” bring over a 30-pack of Busch Lite and get jiggy with it. Heck, bring your kids. Kids love games, and what better way to teach hand-eye coordination than beer pong?
The residents must have been young once and known the joy of drinking cheap beer, making out with a stranger and falling asleep in their own throw-up. Why do they wish to rob us of our God-given right to get mono and drunkenly injure ourselves? All the best stories begin with “…we were all wasted and …”
The largest complaint seems to be noise. Residents complain about their kids hearing vulgar rap music, but we should be damn proud that in America we don’t have censorship. Anyone can say whatever he or she wants, including vulgar and/or degrading things. Under the Taliban, people weren’t even allowed to listen to music. It’s practically our American duty to listen to a song about hittin’ the skins with a hizo.
In fact, partying is a part of our heritage. We’d still be toasting the queen if it weren’t for a few patriots getting pissed and dumping some tea into the harbor. There’s no way that was a sober event. Stop our parties and you could be stopping the next revolution, and that’s just selfish.
Perhaps the Allston residents should take a note from a little movie called “Footloose,” in which a young Kevin Bacon teaches a small town to dance. I may not have a delicious pork product for a last name, but I do know that student and permanent resident can coexist, if everybody cut footloose.
And finally, I will end with a quote from a great band, Men Without Hats, from their classic, “The Safety Dance:”
“We can dance if we want to/ we can leave your friends behind/ cause your friends don’t dance/ And if they don’t dance/ well, they’re no friends of mine.”
Allston residents: we want you to dance with us, we really do. Especially the young single mothers.