Are you bored in your classes? Do you hate your major? Do you want to enlarge your pen- … Oh, wait, that’s the other message we were writing. Anyway, with Boston University adding a few new majors for next year, we at the ol’ Free Press have decided to contribute a few new interesting classes of our own.

Our first proposal would create a unique partnership between the College of Fine Arts and the Office of Admissions. While the wonderful professors at CFA could provide the admissions office with some useful new skills, the major would require that every admissions staffer take at least 15 hours of fine art classes, concentrating on the wonderful new world of color.

While the current CFA faculty focuses its attention on the canvas, BU could steal “The Body” away from those pesky smaht kids across the river and give him a penthouse suite in CFA (in the middle of the building obviously, far away from both the left and the right). That’s right, Jesse Ventura, your newest theater professor, teaching the new course required for all aspiring actors, WWF 316, “The Art of the Pile Drive.”

The next course could bring together two cultures at opposite ends of the Charles River spectrum: the College of Engineering and the Terrier hockey team. Very, very simply, students in both groups would be required to take JH 69, “The Art of Scoring.” The new course would also be taught by Harvard imports, those nymphos over at H-Bomb. Professors would have to keep their eyes open, however, to make sure the ENG kids don’t make the hockey players do all their homework.

But just when you thought, “Hey, DFP, those combinations will never work,” we break out the bombshell partnership: the College of General Studies and the University Professors Program. If the two groups could share a room without the world collapsing in on itself, the CGS kids could bring the UNI scholars back to Earth while also sharing the fine art of fingerpainting. But when those UNI kids try to return the favor by sharing their favorite polysyllabic words, the CGS kids, confused and bewildered, could respond by throwing crayons and shooting spitballs.

And after all those initials were sorted out, acronym-happy BU could merge the School of Hospitality Administration with Sargent College of Health and Rehabilitation Sciences to form the Hospitality Administration and Rehabilitation Degree for A School of Sciences, or HARDASS (I mean look what a cool acronym did for IUPUI). No one is really sure what the new school would offer, but it sure would be cool to say “Johnny McStudent, HARDASS ’07.”

And that’s really what it’s all about, right?