The UEFA Champions League is arguably club football’s most prestigious tournament. So can someone please tell me how Tottenham Hotspur have managed to sneak in?

The Lilywhites lost 7-5 on aggregate to Spain’s Atlético Madrid, only adding to their reputation as football’s biggest bottlers. But boy, was the first game eventful.

After weeks of Spurs fans calling for first-choice goalkeeper Guglielmo Vicario to be dropped, he was finally replaced by young Antonin Kinský.

Kinský went on to concede three goals in 15 minutes before being substituted by interim manager Igor Tudor, who then proceeded to … ignore him.

Interesting. 

The 5-2 defeat in the first leg all but sealed the Spurs’ fate, but hey, at least they haven’t needlessly ruptured the confidence of a young footballer playing a usually thankless position, right?

Moving over to the other side of Madrid, we witnessed a heavyweight bout between Real Madrid and Manchester City.

Federico Valverde scored a hat trick in the first leg with some of the best finishes you’ll ever see. One could easily argue for him being the best ball-striker in the world.

While excitement around a City “remontada” peaked before the second leg kicked off, Bernardo Silva decided he’d had enough, killing the tie for the team he formerly captained by receiving a red card in the 20th minute.

Vinícius Júnior scored the ensuing penalty, after which Erling Haaland equalized, only to have City’s hopes crushed by a 93rd-minute winner from, you guessed it, Vini Jr. Revenge sure is sweet.

Spain’s dominance over England continued, as Barcelona steamrolled Newcastle United 8-3. The first leg resulted in a rather uneventful 1-1 draw, but the second leg — back in Barcelona — was a thriller.

Both sides combined for four goals in the first 30 minutes, until a rather questionable challenge by Kieran Trippier — which arguably should’ve led to him being sent off — resulted in a Barcelona penalty, which young star Lamine Yamal scored.

Yamal was born after the release of the first iPhone … What am I doing with my life?

That goal opened the floodgates.

The Catalonians went on to score three goals in 15 minutes, with Robert Lewandowski further cementing his place as one of football’s best strikers. Raphinha scored Barcelona’s seventh in the 72nd minute, wrapping up a two-goal, two-assist performance.

But wait. We’re not done. The list of English teams having their names ticked off by the Grim Reaper of the Champions League continues, as Chelsea lost 8-2 to Paris Saint-Germain.

Chelsea were tied 2-2 with the Parisians until the 73rd minute of the first leg. If only they had held on for another minute, we could be looking at an entirely different story.

Either way, Khvicha Kvaratskhelia took care of business, and Chelsea’s woes continued. Another manager sacking and a couple hundred million wasted pounds, anyone?

Arsenal broke the curse, becoming one of two English sides to progress to the quarterfinals. The second leg — a 2-0 win for the Gunners — was particularly emblematic of their strengths.

To put it lightly, they have the best defense in the world. To let up only two shots on target to Bayer 04 Leverkusen — a team that was trailing for much of a knockout game — is wondrous stuff.

If Arsenal do go on to win the Premier League or Champions League, it’s all down to their defense and the dark arts instilled by Mikel Arteta.

Liverpool, for how disappointing they have been, did show up when the lights were the brightest. They reversed a 1-0 deficit in the first leg by cruising to a dominant 4-0 victory in the second.

Mohamed Salah missed a penalty — later scoring a goal anyway — and Dominik Szoboszlai put up a man-of-the-match performance, proving he’s an integral part of this Liverpool squad.

Galatasaray, on the other hand, could leave England with their heads held high — and down one finger, following Noa Lang’s freak injury.

Bayern Munich did what Bayern Munich does, trouncing Atalanta with a 10-2 lead on aggregate.

Michael Olise’s brace and assist in the first leg, followed by Harry Kane’s brace in the second, were enough for Germany’s finest. Their run as one of Europe’s best teams continues.

To finish things off, Sporting CP overturned a 3-0 defeat to Bodø/Glimt in the first leg by winning 5-0 in the second.

While that looks bad on Bodø, for a team that’s based in a town with a population of 53,000 — less than Man City’s stadium’s capacity — reaching the UCL knockouts is a huge achievement and should set them up financially for years.