We often find ourselves waiting for others, whether it is a partner, a parent or a friend, to give us the love we desire. These expectations can lead to unhealthy relationships, in which we depend on others to fulfill our emotional needs. The truth is, the more you nurture your relationship with yourself, the healthier your interpersonal relationships will become and the less you will expect others to fill a void.
A great way to start this journey of self-love is by using the five love languages — physical touch, quality time, words of affirmation, acts of service and gifts — on yourself. Before you begin, think about the love language you like to receive the most from others. Then, work on practicing them daily to provide yourself with that same love.
Quality time
This love language is all about dedicating time for yourself by doing things that bring you joy and peace. Become your own best friend by going on solo dates and getting to know your true desires. Spending time alone can be uncomfortable at first, but it can lead to greater clarity and connection with yourself.
If solo outings make you nervous, start small with a cozy night in — watch your favorite movie, cook a delicious meal or journal. Some of my favorite places to journey solo are cafes, museums or bookstores. When you’re by yourself, avoid distractions like scrolling on your phone — spend time truly sitting with your thoughts. You can only grow as an individual if you take the time to understand yourself.
Words of affirmation
This can be the hardest love language to give yourself, especially if you’re used to seeking external validation. That’s exactly why it’s so important to practice — so you don’t rely on others for your self-worth.
Start by incorporating affirmations into your daily routine. You can say them in front of the mirror while getting ready, write them in a journal or recite them during meditation. Affirmations can be as simple as telling yourself that you’re proud of your achievements or celebrating your smallest milestones. You can also write a letter to your future self.
Be mindful of how you talk about yourself. Remember that words matter, so make a habit of using kind, empowering language when referring to yourself.
Physical touch
Many people assume the love language of physical touch must involve someone else, but if that’s your main love language, you can embrace it on your own.
A great way to start is by indulging in a massage or facial or by being more intentional with your skincare routine. Create a relaxing bedtime routine — get cozy with a warm blanket, or treat yourself to a luxurious silk pillow. Take a moment to appreciate having space to yourself. You might miss that personal time when you have a partner in the future.
Acts of service
Acts of service are about making life easier for your future self. When we think of performing acts of service for others, it often involves doing things they don’t enjoy, like taking out the trash, doing the dishes or folding laundry.
Apply the same logic to yourself by blocking time each week to take care of things like cleaning your room, prepping a meal or making a to-do list. Identify what activities you procrastinate doing and create an action plan to tackle them. By doing this, you’re showing yourself respect and care through the practical steps to make your life less stressful.
Gift giving
Gift giving can feel indulgent, but it’s important to remember that you’re allowed to spend money on things or experiences that make you happy. There’s no shame in treating yourself, as long as you’re mindful of your spending. Buying things can be a way of showing that you trust yourself with your finances, too. You work hard, and you deserve to be spending $8 on your favorite latte every once in a while. So, commit to giving yourself a gift every so often — whether it’s a fun drink, new clothes or concert tickets.
Overall
I’ve taken the love language test multiple times, and my result always comes back as quality time. I deeply value my time alone, and if I choose to spend time with someone, it means I truly appreciate them. When I first committed to personal growth, the idea of going out alone filled me with anxiety, but now, solo dates have become my favorite way to recharge.
No matter what your love language is, learning to give yourself the love you need can feel uncomfortable at first — but the benefits are truly worth it. The more you invest in your relationship with yourself, the more fulfilling your relationships with others will become.
