Snap, crackle … POP!

I have always maintained that the best pop music comes from overseas countries. Between Sweden and the UK, everything from ‘. . . Baby One More Time’ to Bono wouldn’t exist.

However, one pop barrier I rarely cross is the cult-ish ‘J-pop’ genre, or Japanese pop. It’s not that I have an aversion to the Japanese. I eat sushi on a regular basis, grew up playing video games and watching Dragonball-Z. In fact, ‘Chopsticks’ is the only song I can play on the piano.

Despite my Asian prowess, it recently occurred to me that the only ‘J-pop’ I have ever been exposed to was the ‘Hi Hi Puffy AmiYumi’ show on the Cartoon Network. The Japanese duo, two spunky girls who played guitar and spoke fragmented English, yapped around my television set doing random things and playing fairly horrible songs. I was not impressed.

My faith was rekindled towards the end of my high school years when I discovered Hikaru Utada, a female Japanese singer who was on the verge of releasing her first English-language album, ‘Exodus.’ Signed to Island/Def Jam, the album was supposed to transcend Utada to worldwide superstar . . . clearly, that failed.

The album, however, earned a fair amount of critical acclaim. Like with her Japanese albums, Utada wrote and produced the entire set herself, only allowing two co-writers Timbaland (who won’t he work with?), and a guest appearance by Mars Volta drummer Jon Theodore on the quite epic ‘Kremlin Dusk.’

Despite the commercial failure of the album (in the US at least, the album, even though in English, still did big business back in her country), the label kept Utada signed on and just last week she released her English follow-up, ‘This is the One.’ The title, she said, was because this was going to be her ‘breakout’ album.

This time, Utada let some other producers take the wheel, with over half of the album being produced by Stargate, the Swedish producers behind just about every Ne-Yo and Beyonce song and Tricky Stewart, the man behind ‘Umbrella.’ To say the album is underwhelming is an understatement. Full of generic, watered down R&B beats, the Asian charm of Utada’s first offering had vanished like bowl of sticky rice.

Coincidently, just a few weeks earlier, the English-langauge debut from South Korean poptart BoA hit stores. To make a long story short, in popstar terms, Utada is to Christina Aguilera what BoA is to Britney. BoA can barely sing, she writes none of her music, but she’s as cute as a Caterpillar Roll and can dance her a– off.

Unlike Utada, BoA wasted no time trying to stick to her roots. For her self-titled debut, she enlisted the likes of Bloodshy & Avant (the Swedes behind ‘Toxic’) and Sean Garrett (Usher’s ‘Yeah!’, Ciara’s ‘Goodies’) for an album chocked with arena-ready powerpop. The downside, it sounds like an Asian on YouTube singing Britney Spears karaoke. The tracks are fresh, BoA’s ability to pull them off . . . not so much.

With two of Asia’s biggest popstars showing that it may be nearly impossible to make a dent on the U.S. charts, it begs the question if a successful Asian crossover will ever occur? (I honestly can’t really think of any . . . unless the lead singer of Hoobastank counts). If all else fails, Utada could at least come and do a few performances and autograph signings at Super 88. I’d be there faster than you can say YoBerry.