RIESZ: Still a virgin?

On a horrendously hot day in early September, I found myself basking not only under the sun but in the non-suburban, collegiate atmosphere for the first time since early May. A flutter of thoughts crossed my mind as I sauntered down Comm. Ave. "Ah, quaint Warren Towers, how you have not changed. Hey, what happened to those futuristic Svedka advertisements? Wait... does that sign say "Still a virgin'?"

If you don't know what I'm referring to, you've probably been hiding out in Allston not going to class. These posters, prevalent on bus shelters, urge virgins to call a hotline for help on their quest towards... adulthood. Upon dialing the number, "Zach" says "Thank you for calling the virgin hotline, because you or someone you know is still a virgin and needs help."

Obviously, the entire thing is laughable and indicative of college humor, as it is part of an ad campaign for the upcoming movie "The Virginity Hit", targeted at college students. It also claims to do something that is scientifically impossible outside of extremely invasive surgery. And undoubtedly, it has stirred debate within the BU community.

Personally, I think the whole thing is genius.

I don't know about other college campuses, but I sense an extreme amount of sexual frustration within ours. We've all heard the complaints: "There's, like, tons of girls here, and, like, I can't find a man" is a fairly popular one, "I'm not sure what I should do; I went to a private Catholic school," is good too and there's always "If I've waited this long, I can wait a little longer."

If you're one of these people, this is my official warning to you: don't say even one little thing resembling these statements to me because I will promptly dropkick you. The other day, I had a girl ask me in complete seriousness if college was "the time to get it on." I almost immediately suggested calling this virgin hotline just so she could learn some post-70s lingo and gain a sense of humor. I have absolutely nothing invested in the state of her hymen, but just the simple fact that she asked me such a question means that sexuality is like Shakespeare - slightly overanalyzed.

This is not a free ticket for you to come up to me in the GSU and accuse me of telling everyone to go out and deflower themselves. I just can't help but appreciate a little inappropriate advertising humor considering I'm a) in COM and b) surrounded by "young" adults who want pity for their ambivalence. Although the hotline isn't WebMD, it provides a place for people to laugh at themselves &- or at others. Stress needs to be alleviated in a world where we are all largely concerned with boosting our resumés and getting good grades.

So here's the moral of the story &- enjoy a good chuckle at your own expense. Think about all those Seth Rogen movies. Why does everybody love them? Because he knows he's not the most attractive piece of meat at the market and he blatantly makes fun of himself. This is the age of self-deprecating witticism. Hop on board.