On Monday Boston University students received a joint email from the director of Student Health Services and the chief of police warning us about the potentially dangerous side effects caused by consuming the increasingly popular beverage Four Loko. The extremely serious and cautionary letter more or less tries to convince you that by drinking a can of this alcoholic and caffeinated cocktail, you will probably one day end up without an arm a la the heroin-addicted Jared Leto in “Requiem for a Dream.”
The letter begins by encouraging students to “make smart choices about your personal health and safety” and then introduces the drink known as “blackout in a can.” It accuses alcohol companies of “targeting college students with these products without regard for your safety” and points out that other schools such as Central Washington University and Ramapo College in New Jersey have reported incidents of hospitalization due to the drink.
The message also details important statistics such as the dangerously high alcohol and caffeine contents and claims side effects include “rapid heartbeat, shortness of breath, dizziness, feeling jittery and nausea” and “the feeling of being “wide awake.’
Despite the university’s attempt to frame the message in the most sober and dire tone possible, after conferring with many of my fellow classmates, I found the message they got from the email was very different from the one that authorities are trying to disseminate. The following letter is a recreated version of the original written as interpreted by a typical 18-22 year-old student reading it:
Dear Children,
We want to pass along this paranoid message about a potentially dangerous alcoholic drink that your roommate tried last week and then had the night of her life! We share this information so that you can decide whether the “scary” facts are enough to deter you from going to Blanchard’s right now and getting some.
So everyone has been talking about that stuff “Four Loko” and the attendant side effects, which have been referred to as “blackout in a can”!!! Alcohol companies are blah blah blah. Also, some idiots at Central Washington University and Ramapo College in Jersey can’t hold their liquor.
We want to take this opportunity to provide you with some information about caffeinated alcoholic beverages and about mixing caffeine and alcohol in an effort to aid you in your decision-making. Mixing alcohol and caffeine is not a new concept &- vodka and Red Bull every weekend, baby! &- and something about kids being hospitalized and stuff. At the request of 18 attorney generals, the Food and Drug Administration is reviewing whether the drinks are safe, so you better start stocking up now in case they are ruled illegal.
Four Loko is one example of a caffeinated alcoholic beverage. The 23-ounce can of this drink contains an equivalent amount of alcohol to four 12-ounce beers and 156-milligrams of caffeine, so you can totally get blitzed super fast and for super cheap. The danger here is not just the alcohol content, but also the combination of high amounts of alcohol and caffeine.
Drinking high amounts of caffeine can cause symptoms like feeling totally alive. When consumed in combination with alcohol, caffeine may produce the feeling of being “wide awake,” so you can party all night. The fact that the depressant effects of alcohol are mitigated by the caffeine may lead people to continue to drink alcohol and thereby become sooo wasted. Awesome!
We strongly recommend you steer clear of these types of drinks and from mixing alcohol with other caffeine containing beverages. Boston University is concerned for your personal safety and if we have to write you a message about how insane this stuff is, then you KNOW its worth trying. Like, this weekend!
BU administration, for better or for worse, you have gotten your message out. As a student I am pleased by the concern you are showing for me and my fellow classmates, yet I feel the seemingly fear-mongering message will be ineffective. In fact, given the notoriously head-strong audience it is intended for, it may actually serve to be counter-actively encouraging. Respectfully disregarding BU’s overwrought warning, I wish to give a more austere but no less important message to my fellow BU students – whether you choose to drink, and whatever you choose to imbibe, please be responsible, drink responsibly and take responsibility for each other. That’s all.
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