FONTANA: Silly school, learning’s for kids

Dear School,

You’re getting in the way of just about everything: spring, fun, the future, breathing, health, joy, life and all that is good in the world. You are but a weapon of the hegemonic powers that be, who have misconstrued the fundamental beauty of your institutions. Your age has caught up with you, for you have forgotten what it means to really learn from the world. So, I believe your time for change is well overdue.

Spring has finally arrived (don’t worry my fellow Boston brethren, I’m using a rabbit’s foot that is holding a four-leaf clover in its crossed fingers to knock on wood at exactly 11:11 p.m. when I say that. Spring is not going anywhere.) And yet, school just keeps getting in the way of my complete enjoyment of the incredible weather. I tried studying outside but I was distracted by other people having fun. The sun kept coaxing me to stop what I was doing with its warm, soft touch and the wind kept blowing away all my papers. And it’s not like you can go and ask something like the wind to stop blowing. That would just be stupid. It would be like asking a person to stop breathing or a wall to stop walling. Things have purposes in life and those purposes should be respected. If anyone should know that, School, it’s you.

All I want to do is go outside, soak up the sun and hang out with friends. But nope, you just won’t let me do that, will you? Instead you force the poor, susceptible teachers to hand out grueling assignments, monstrous projects and impossible exams. Teachers have lives too, you know! School, you should really be thinking about them because without them, well, you’d just be a group of buildings (lamesauce). Now, perhaps I should have started this “homework” I mentioned earlier quite some time ago (ah, procrastination) but you should know, School, these things are hazardous to our health! If I didn’t know any better, I’d think you were trying to kill us, or at the very least create a generation of anemic drones.

I’ve been waiting all winter long to immerse myself in the natural elements of the world, and last time I checked the periodic table, School, you weren’t on it. Now you may simply be angry that you didn’t make the cut or that no one ever picked you for bookball way back when you were just a little tyke, but you shouldn’t take out your years of frustration on us, the impressionable and easily injured young adults of the world. That’s why the world has kids. It’s not like they’ll remember any of it anyway. They won’t be scarred for life. Not like I will!

Hey, I’m just looking out for humanity here. Much like my good friend Ludacris, who would just have one thing to say to you right now, School: “Move! Get out the way!”

Now, if you so graciously bestow upon us, your loyal subjects, the gift of a perfect snow day during the depths of winter, then perhaps in spring, your graciousness could go unequaled if you were to decree the implementation of “fun days.” I’m not talking about a heat advisory where everyone’s told to jump into the nearest freezer, but more like a fun advisory: “Warning, severe fun is due to hit Boston this week. If you enjoy these days, you may find all other days slightly less acceptable and be depressed for the rest of your life.” I just want some break from the monotony of classes. Is that too much to ask?

Granted, if I hadn’t had school, I wouldn’t be able to write this article. I wouldn’t be able to use, let alone create, any of these arguments and I would probably still be sitting in front of my computer trying to figure out how to turn it on.

But, I guess losing all of those skills I have strenuously procured and developed is the price one must pay to enjoy life. I mean, it’s not like I’m paying an arm and a leg to attend Boston University just so I can sit inside, do work and “learn.” I mean come on school, get real. Who would ever agree to some outrageous deal like that?

So I am asking you, Boston University, to stand out from all the other schools and do something extraordinary. It’s your chance to revolutionize the world as we know it and really make a difference in a lot of peoples’ lives. You can be the straw that breaks the overrated camel’s back we call “edumacation.”  It’s simple really – just stop getting in the way.

Sincerely,

A Concerned Student

David Fontana is a sophomore at the College of Arts and Sciences and a weekly columnist for The Daily Free Press. He can be reached at fontad5@bu.edu.