Ah, the performative male.

Even as I write this from the outskirts of West Campus, I can sense a six-foot-something man, decked out in Carhartt and drinking his lavender matcha.

But if the description above is no help, let’s break it down further.

What is the “performative male?” And, even more importantly, how do we spot one before it spots us?

Beginning in the summer and extending into fall of 2025, the trend is relatively new, though I’d argue this has been an enduring issue since the rise of social media and influencer culture.

The male in question is just a polished version of your average emotionally unavailable and trend-following guy looking for his next talking stage.

Their natural habitats include shopping at Trader Joe’s, Buffalo Exchange and any overpriced coffee shop.

How do I know this? Well…

I am one of them — although female — and I think we all are in our own right.

Yes, we choose to stick the title largely to men, but who doesn’t enjoy rocking a tote bag and listening to Suki Waterhouse on their way to a used bookstore?

The reason we title this “performative” is that this behavior is a way of reenacting what is seen in movies.

But let’s face it — we all wish to be that eclectic character in an indie movie who seems just esoteric enough to keep everyone intrigued.

But if everybody and their mom is doing this, then we end up accomplishing the complete opposite. In looking for things to set us apart, we ultimately become like everyone else.

I think this is a larger issue than most realize simply because it encourages individuals to box themselves into certain stereotypes.

It’s not bad, but rather counterintuitive. If we all become living versions of media-set stereotypes, then what is stopping us from sacrificing our personalities for the sake of following the latest trend?

It’s also boring. People want to be niche, but they only do things that make them anything but so.

Everyone is desperate to look like their TikTok “For You” page threw up on them, and this discourages us from actually trying to cultivate ourselves.

We all want to wear what the next influencer is wearing because that is what is deemed acceptable and cool, and we shun or brush those aside who don’t look like the cover ad of next season’s Vogue.

What happened to fostering your own essence?

I am not saying you should go off the grid and isolate yourself in a cabin in the woods. However, also try to branch outside of the “acceptable” hobbies or try to do things simply because you think they will make you look cool.

Cool is unique to you, not to everyone else.

I have to state the obvious disclaimer, though: What’s “in” will always be changing. So, this isn’t meant to be a sermon to stop being like everyone else because it’s “bad.”

The point I want to emphasize, based on my personal experiences, is that living for the validation of outside perceptions won’t get you anywhere.

Forget trying to figure out where you fit into the world, and start thinking about how the world fits you.

Everyone will always have opinions, but you aren’t obligated to cater to them. Instead, start spending more time doing the things that resonate with your soul and purpose.

So yes, you can still wear a Trader Joe’s bag because you like the laid-back aesthetic, but don’t feel the need to limit yourself to only that.

Wear crazy outfits, or don’t. Go get a matcha or a regular black coffee, if that’s what you prefer.

You do not have to perform because when you do, you only end up attracting experiences and people that cater to the fake persona you project out.

In a way, this “performative” movement projects the ultimate “dreamy” vibe we all envision for ourselves. However, it is the very thing that limits us and sets us so far behind.

How about we all just chill and stop giving every single thing a stereotype or a label?

What is so bad about being yourself?

I can almost assure you that there is nothing.

So, let’s just allow ourselves to exist for the sake of existing, not for titles or validation.

Till we meet again,

N.