Dearest readers, I’ve been hearing something a lot lately — so much so that I can’t ignore it.

Some of my female friends, especially those who haven’t dated recently or ever, talk about ending up alone like it’s a given. It comes out quickly, casually, like there’s no room for a second thought or even a little doubt.

And it stopped me in my tracks.

Because if these women — these smart, magnetic and genuinely incredible women — have already decided they’re destined to be alone, what does that say about what’s ahead for all of us?

Quickly, I gathered up my thoughts and sat with this idea for a moment. The more I thought about it, I couldn’t help but wonder: Are some of us just meant to be alone forever?

I can sympathize with this feeling

The funny thing is, growing up, most of us didn’t fear being alone. There was always family and friends and we just assumed romance would follow eventually, the way it seemed to for everyone else.

But when you’re actually up to bat, you realize it’s not that simple. Romance is harder than it looks. Finding and building a real, lasting connection takes time and effort — and sometimes it’s hard to even get started.

I’ve been there too. In high school, I didn’t date, didn’t have a prom date and definitely wasn’t on anyone’s radar as a potential date. I know — shocking, considering I ended up writing a dating advice column.

I used to picture my future all the time: me with 10 cats, perfectly content, not caring what anyone thought.

And then I felt the same fears about the future again after my first heartbreak, like I was back at square one. I felt like something in me was fundamentally off. Who else was going to love me?

We all get there at some point. But here’s the thing I’ve learned: As convincing as that feeling is and as heavy as it can feel, it’s temporary.

Good love is hard to find, and maybe it’s better that way

If love were easy, it wouldn’t consume us the way it does. It wouldn’t be the thing we overanalyze with our friends, lose sleep over or measure our lives against. And more importantly, if it were easy, it probably wouldn’t be all that meaningful — or all that lasting.

Let’s be real: The best relationships aren’t easy, they’re the ones that challenge you. The best relationships take time to build and, in the process, force you to actually understand yourself so you can show up honestly for someone else.

It’s tempting to look at people who cycle through relationships like it’s nothing and think they’ve figured something out. But if anything, it proves the opposite. When something comes together that quickly, it can fall apart just as fast.

The kind of love that actually sticks is slower. It’s more intentional. It asks more of you, which is exactly why it’s worth it.

I also want to add a perspective I came across while scrolling TikTok the other day. It’s hard not to wonder why so many women who are smart, kind, beautiful and creative are still single.

But the video put it well: You’re overqualified. 

Sometimes those traits aren’t the issue. They don’t make you harder to love, they make you harder to match.

So it’s not that something is missing — it’s that what you bring doesn’t always meet something that can hold it.

We’re never truly alone

When people I know tell me they will die alone, it really makes me sad. I want to shake them and hug them and assure them that one day they will find someone who compliments them in the way they deserve and who sees them fully, just as I do.

I was once a “I’m going to die alone” fatalist myself. And the only thing that pulled me out of that mindset was realizing I was already enough. When you actually start to understand your own fabulousness — is that a word? If not, I’m making it one — you stop treating love like proof of your worth and start recognizing it as something you’re already capable of receiving. 

This is going to sound terribly cliché, but even if we don’t end up with the “dream partner” we picture in our heads, there is still a deeply full life to be lived. Some of the most meaningful moments of mine haven’t come from romance at all — they’ve come from my sister and my girlfriends. More people can give you that kind of life than just a love interest ever will.

But to anyone reading this who hasn’t dated at all, in a while or is fresh out of something that left them feeling a little hopeless about what comes next, let me be the one to tell you: This feeling is not the forecast.

It’s a moment. And it passes, usually right when you start building a life that feels full enough to hold you exactly as you are.