Boston University students have much to be angry about. Tuition is too high, the weather is too cold and the sidewalks are too slippery. But up until now, nothing has invoked our ire as much as Governor Deval Patrick’s plan to repeal the tax ban on candy, alcohol and sugary drinks.
We have no problem with the taxation of our clothes, cigarettes or even our paychecks. But we’ll be damned if the governor thinks he can tax what we hold most dear to our hearts and stomachs. Parents have always told their children never to take candy from strangers, but if that is what needs to be done in order to obtain tax-free candy, then so be it.
The vagueness of this proposal has created a sticky situation, in addition to the one on our chocolate-covered hands. Doughnuts and other pastries will still not be taxable, but where does one draw the line? How many sprinkles can one pile atop a Ho Ho before the sprinkle-to-chocolate cake ratio is sufficient enough to classify the snack as a candy and, therefore, taxable? Are Gushers candy or a necessary fruit supplement? It could be argued that Nutter Butters are candy, but in someone else’s eyes, maybe they’re just a miniature peanut butter sandwich, only a little crunchier.
A potential tax on candy is cruel, but charging us even more for our booze is nothing short of torturous. Similar to the problems caused by the ill-defined term of candy, figuring out which alcoholic items lose their tax exemption is just as tricky. Can we still enjoy an untaxed, liquor-soaked tiramisu or a delectable duty-free Bacardi Rum cake? Are Jell-O shots taxed doubly?
If the governor thinks that we will go along with his alcohol tax, he is under the wrong influence. Americans are resourceful, and we won’t hesitate to convert our bathtubs to gin-producing facilities or start making moonshine as we did during the Prohibition.
This isn’t the last you’ll hear from us, Gov. Patrick. Our rebellion will not be quelled, and we will not be silenced by your candy-hating regime. Unless, of course, our mouths are filled with chewy, caramel goodness.
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