We have always been told to tell the truth. Whether it was the fights with our siblings that we got into before our parents came home or whether we actually did the reading for that day’s class, the truth seemed to trump everything. We used to lie, with our fingers crossed behind our backs and rumors hidden behind our smiles. Sooner or later, it seemed, we would always be found out. We were told to never lie, no matter the consequences. We were told repeatedly that honesty was the best policy.
Is this still true today? Can we apply this outdated mantra to the world of millennial dating and beyond? Is honesty the best policy when it comes to relationships?
I believe so.
I believe relationships should be built on a foundation of honesty and vulnerability. These two things, combined with a trust in the other person’s movie selection and music taste, will make for a more solid relationship. One should be open and honest with their partners, their friends and their family. This is true for any relationship: familial, platonic, romantic and the like.
This is not to say that it is always easy to tell the truth. The truth can be messy and sometimes hurtful. We fumble with the truth in our hands and with the words leaving our mouths, never knowing what to say or how to say it. Sometimes we lie to protect our loved ones, and sometimes we lie to protect ourselves. There is a reason that “pleading the fifth” exists in a court of law, on the dangers of self-incrimination.
Sometimes we tell others everything. Sometimes we tell others just some things, leaving out details. I am no exception. There have been times when I was too honest, and relationships were broken beyond repair. There have been times when I was silent, and the truth had reared its head nonetheless, much to my embarrassment. Even in my own embarrassment, however reluctant I was, exposing the truth led me to a more open conversation. I then realized that having an honest conversation led to a more honest relationship.
Like the other complicated pieces of relationships, the truth seems to be a balancing act. With our partners and with our friends, we are always faced with the dilemma of honesty. There is no single solution or simple flow chart that can help you decide whether or not to reveal information to your partner, how much to reveal or how much to keep secret. Sometimes, it seems the simple solution is to lie or say nothing at all.
In this technological age, I find that it’s easier to hide behind devices and emojis to avoiding having hard conversations. By saying less, we are no longer saying how we feel. This is not to bash cell phones, because I am just as happy as the next person to avoid waiting by the phone on a Friday night for my beau to call, but I do believe that we have made it easier to be more guarded and less honest.
There is no way to be 100 percent honest. For fear of oversharing — and further self-incrimination — I do not feel the need to reveal every detail about myself, every loathsome secret that can be found in my middle school diary. I do believe, however, that there is honor in trying to be more open with another person. This means being upfront about feelings, both good and bad. This means having conversations you do not want to have about things you might not want to speak about. I believe that when you fall in love with someone, you should be honest about it. I also believe that when you fall out of love with someone, you should be honest about it. Healing comes from honesty.
We have to be more honest with ourselves and with each other. We have to be more open about our feelings, about our past and about our plans for the future. These are not easy conversations to have, but sometimes it is the hard conversations that strong relationships are built on. Maybe our parents knew something we didn’t when we were younger. Maybe it’s still true today. Honesty is the best policy.
Meredith loves telling stories and pretending to be Carrie Bradshaw, minus the man and comfy NYC apartment. She, however, eats enough brunch to cover all six seasons. When she's not drowning in 16th-century literature, she can be found lamenting over the bad grammar and bad boys in her middle school diary.
Find her on twitter @merewilsh or email her mwilsher@bu.edu with all your love musings or questions.
