Dear Abby: I need to know what your thoughts are on “promise rings” or I guess just rings in general. A lot of my friends got them from their boyfriends, and I’m torn between wanting one and being scared of one. Is this a new way to signify loyalty? Do we all need a ring to lock in our romantic partners?
Well, Beyoncé said it best — if you like it, then you should probably put a ring on it. You know, just in case somebody else does.
“Single Ladies” perhaps takes a bit too literal of an approach to the message here, but you get the idea: don’t take for granted what’s right in front of your face. And when it comes to relationships, sometimes the solution to that thing is a ring — a promise ring, to be exact.
Rings really steal the spotlight in music, don’t they? Unlike Beyoncé, Taylor Swift might argue that we should all get married with paper rings because love isn’t about the sparkle, but rather, it’s about the connection.
Then there’s of course Johnny Cash. His “ring of fire” represents a love that’s fiery, intense, and a bit too hot to handle.
From elegance to passion, rings come with all kinds of meanings. And there is no denying the uptick of men flocking to Pandora or Kay Jewelers to secure one.
With Valentine’s Day on the horizon, I couldn’t help but wonder: how important are rings in modern dating when talking about commitment and the longevity of a relationship?
The shiny illusion of commitment
For many young adults, relationships come with a unique set of challenges — like balancing schoolwork, social lives, and the ever-looming question of “who even has time for a serious relationship?”
Promising yourself to someone is equally as adorable as it is terrifying. After all, in this stage of life, you’re in the middle of figuring out who you are, what you want to do, and whether or not your dorm’s microwave actually has a popcorn button that works.
Still, there are people who are ready to get down on one knee right away. While others may opt out of taking a dive in the deep end, they will still dip their toes into the shallow end of the commitment pool without risking hypothermia.
That is what a promise ring offers in modern-dating: the illusion of commitment — you know, without booking a venue, catering, and the wedding band. But don’t let the term “illusion” fool you here.
I think a promise ring can be meaningful when given with intent and selected with thought. They can be a great way to show that special someone in your life that you’re serious about them without the pressure of rushing into things.
Gen Z has arguably made the dating scene exceptionally casual.Try saying the word “situationship” to someone 10 years ago — I’m not sure if they would know what you would mean.
In the vast ocean of hookup culture, promise rings could perhaps be the buoy that helps keep us afloat through rough waters.
Perhaps it is the promise ring that allows us to drag our feet while still expressing commitment to our partner. A small, shiny metal band can really put the brakes on a relationship from rushing full steam ahead.
While there is nothing wrong with falling hard and fast, there’s no arguing that we should all take time to stop and smell the roses. What I’m really trying to say here is that there is comfort in security — but the question remains: is a ring really what symbolizes this?
The promise of what?
Ask Abby is nothing if not honest, so I’ll confess that I received a promise ring once. I wasn’t really sure how to react or whether to accept — all I saw was a small, shiny rock in front of me.
The only thing I really wanted to ask was: “What exactly am I promising?”
That is my caveat with promise rings — some people take them too seriously. The diamond may be small and elegant, but the weight of its implication may make it feel like a boulder on your finger instead of a pebble.
They can also start to feel like a subtle branding exercise. “Congratulations, you’re in an exclusive relationship, now wear this shiny symbol of my claim over you.” In this way, you might feel pressure to make a sinking relationship float to keep that “promise” you made.
But again, I ask: what is it that we’re really promising with a ring? To remain loyal? To be exclusive? To not break up?
First of all, if you think you need a sparkly rock to make sure your partner remains loyal to you, I would do some introspection. Second, don’t let a pricey little gem put that pressure on your relationship — you should always try to view how things are going from a holistic standpoint.
In my eyes, love is all about devotion, not possession. I don’t hate the idea of promise rings, but I hate the idea that they are linked to control and ownership.
Remember who a girl’s best friend truly is…diamonds!
I’m joking here, but I do think jewelry can be a great, meaningful gift to give someone you love — even if it’s a promise ring. Just consider what kind of metal your partner wears — to be loved is to be seen, after all!
Most importantly, before you run to your nearest jeweler by February 14, remember: this item should not be seen as a pre-engagement ring or a lock and key to your partner’s heart. It should instead be viewed as a symbol of where you are right now amidst the ever-changing whirlwind of classes and existential crises that come with young adult life.
