Dear Abby: I feel lost. I’m finally in college, and I have a big room all to myself and everything that I could wish for. I left my boyfriend last month, and I’m over it — it’s been a long time coming. I feel like I should be alone during this part of my life, and I’m grateful for that. But most of the time, I feel too tired and lonely. I have two friends, but I feel like something is missing in my life because I feel empty, and I don’t know why. 

Thank you for sharing that. Sometimes the hardest loneliness isn’t when we’re missing someone — it’s when everything should feel perfect, and it still doesn’t.

Honestly, I think a lot of us have been there — or are there in some way. So many of us have been in that weird in-between space where life technically looks good, but something inside feels dull, off or flat. You can’t quite put your finger on it, but it’s like the emotional volume has been turned down, and you’re left wondering, “Shouldn’t I feel more excited than this?”

It’s that strange ache that comes when you’ve done everything “right” — you’ve moved on, you’re independent, and yet you’re still waiting for life to feel full again. 

The more I thought about your situation, I couldn’t help but wonder: What do you do when the life you built for yourself doesn’t feel as good as you thought it would?

Feelings of loneliness

You’ve just stepped out of a relationship where your emotions had a rhythm. Even if it wasn’t perfect, it was familiar. Now, you’re rebuilding your emotional home from scratch. That empty feeling? It’s just space — space that will soon be filled with new friends, new routines and — most importantly — new confidence in yourself.

Instead of rushing to “fix” the loneliness, treat it like a signpost. It’s pointing toward connection — maybe through clubs, creative projects, volunteering or simply spending time with your two friends in new ways.

And remember: Being alone isn’t the same as being lonely. The more time you spend learning to enjoy your own company, the more magnetic you’ll become — not just to potential partners, but to everyone.

You’re not lost. You’re just in between chapters. And that’s where all the good stories begin.

The breakup isn’t the whole story

You say you’re over the breakup — and I believe you. We don’t talk enough about how you can be over someone and still feel the impact of their absence. Being “over it” doesn’t mean your emotional landscape resets overnight. It doesn’t mean you won’t feel the ripples of that relationship for a while — especially in those quiet moments, like sitting alone in your dorm room at night.

There’s a weird loneliness that comes after a breakup, even if it was the right decision.
You lose the habit of someone and the rhythm of being with them. You also lose the daily texts and the “What are you up to?” check-ins from the person who knew your day before you even had to explain it. 

And once that’s gone, your life can feel strangely silent — even if you’re not longing to go back. Give yourself some grace and time to sit with it. I promise things won’t feel like this indefinitely. 

 The room is big, but the silence is bigger

Let’s talk about that room. That beautiful, spacious college room that’s yours, finally. No siblings, no parents and no roommate breathing too loudly. You’ve got your own bed, your own space and your own freedom. This is the dream, right?

So why does it feel so hollow?

Physical freedom doesn’t always come with emotional freedom. You can have all the space in the world and still feel emotionally crowded — by thoughts, memories, doubts and that uncomfortable silence that shows up when you stop running from yourself.

This isn’t failure. It’s just a transition. You left something behind — a relationship, a version of yourself and maybe even a routine — and you’re still becoming whoever comes next.

Feeling tired and lonely isn’t laziness — it’s a sign

When we don’t know why we feel off, we often blame ourselves. We are quick to think that we are lazy, ungrateful or should be doing more with our time. But what if the tiredness is emotional? What if it’s your heart processing all the change — the breakup, the move and the new chapter of your life?

Emotional exhaustion doesn’t always show up with tears or drama. Sometimes it’s just a fog. You go through the motions — eat, go to class, scroll on your phone and see a couple of friends — but nothing feels vivid. It’s like you’re watching your own life through a window.

That doesn’t mean you’re broken. It means you’re adjusting.

So, what’s missing?

You said something is missing, but you don’t know what. That’s okay. You don’t need all the answers yet. But I’ll throw out a few possibilities that might resonate.

Form new connections. It’s not not just about having people around, but it’s about feeling seen. Two friends is a beautiful start. But maybe you’re craving something deeper — someone to really get you. That could be a new friendship, a creative community or even just getting to know yourself better.

Find a new purpose. After a breakup or a big life change, it’s common to feel like you’re floating. The routines that used to give your life structure are gone. Now is the time to find new ones. Join a club, start a project, volunteer or create.

Look for joy, even in the mundane — not the fireworks kind, but the small, steady kind. Try something silly or weird just because you can — change your hair, bake cookies at 2 a.m. or make a playlist for your future self.

You’re not lost — you’re in transition

The truth is, most of us don’t feel found all the time. We find pieces of ourselves in strange places — a spontaneous road trip, a solo walk across campus or a late-night conversation that unlocks something we didn’t know we needed to say.

You’re not behind. You’re not broken. You’re in the messy middle — and that’s where the best things start.

So if you’re feeling empty right now, don’t panic. Don’t rush to fill the silence with distractions or rebounds. Sit with it. Ask it questions. Let it guide you to what matters.

And trust: this version of you — the one who feels lost — is still worthy of love, friendship, fun and joy, even if you don’t have it all figured out yet. You’re not alone in this.