The most important relationship you can have is with yourself. I will write these words until the ink bleeds from the pages. Every relationship serves its own purpose, and is important in its own right, but the one you have with yourself is by far the most important. You spend the most amount of time with yourself — learning, growing, taking care of yourself — these are daily tasks. However, in college and beyond, taking care of yourself is often overlooked or ignored amidst constant stress and pressure to succeed.
Taking proper care of yourself is important. Overlooking real issues and hiding them under the guise of memes can provide relief temporarily, but a lot of the time, underlying issues need to be addressed. We have to take care of ourselves before we burn out, lose sense or worse. This means putting an emphasis on self-care. Sometimes self-care and self-love are more than facial masks and warm blankets, although those can help. Sometimes self-love means being OK with not being OK. It means being honest with yourself, checking in with your emotions and reaching out when you need help. It means taking care of yourself and it also means making sure others are helping.
Being someone who struggles with anxiety and feelings of nervousness, it can be hard for me to not worry when it comes to relationships. This includes the relationship I have with myself. Growing up, it took me a long time to be OK with myself — with the way I looked, the way I acted around the people I care about, the parts of me I didn’t care for. It took me even longer to understand what my mental health meant to me.
During fall semester of 2016 was when I had it the worst — frequent panic attacks and infrequent sleeping habits taxed my days and nights. Although I am still looking for help and finding different ways to reach out and find it, it has been a process. Being abroad was a life-changing experience because I was able to get away from some of my stressors. Sometimes though, running away isn’t the right choice.
The experience of going to college comes with a plethora of emotions and experiences. You move to a different place, have to meet new people and somehow have to find the time to take classes. It can be so easy to get lost in the crowd at school. Paying attention to your emotions and your mental health is important.
Now more than ever, there is more visibility surrounding self-love, self-worth and mental illnesses. Kesha preaches that “Scars make us who we are” in her new album “Rainbow,” while also singing about being OK with not being OK and learning to let go. The hit Broadway musical “Dear Evan Hansen” touches on teenage suicide and declares that “No one deserves to be forgotten” and “Even when the dark comes crashing through / When you need a friend to carry you / And when you’re broken on the ground / You will be found.” Both deeply profound in their own right, they highlight the importance of each person, no matter who they are. You are important, no matter what. You matter.
People say “if you can’t love yourself, how can you love someone else?” I don’t think it’s as simple as that. You are deserving of love whether or not you can love yourself. You can love others when you can’t love yourself. Others can love you when you can’t love yourself. I don’t believe that how you feel about yourself can change how you feel about other people. Everyone is deserving of love when they love themselves, and even more so when they can’t.
I have frequently and often preached that the most important relationship we have is with ourselves. This relationship should not be overlooked in college. At school, every day can be a challenge, but it also can be an opportunity. Check in with yourself, and with those around you. Although it may be hard, and almost impossible when things are bad, reach out to those around you when you need help. Take each day in stride, learn to grow, and learn to forgive yourself when you make mistakes or when you’re not where you want to be. Being OK takes time, and that’s OK. Begin where you stand, and keep moving forward.
Meredith loves telling stories and pretending to be Carrie Bradshaw, minus the man and comfy NYC apartment. She, however, eats enough brunch to cover all six seasons. When she's not drowning in 16th-century literature, she can be found lamenting over the bad grammar and bad boys in her middle school diary.
Find her on twitter @merewilsh or email her mwilsher@bu.edu with all your love musings or questions.
