Ampersand

An open letter to the BU community from Sen. John McCain:

My friends, though Gov. Palin and I have lost our election bid, our fight for small government and maverick-y values continues. Looking back on the campaign, we would like to thank the millions of Americans who supported us along the way.

We would like, first and foremost, to thank The Daily Free Press for its steadfast support of strong, conservative values through the waning hours of the race. Recognizing the mere existence of Republicans at BU showed true grit. Your bold support for the liberal Bastille that is Boston was greatly appreciated.

And on that note, President Bush has asked me to submit a correction to your newspaper, as your Wednesday headline was misspelled. He said the correct lettering is ‘Mr. President.’

Though we haven’t taken the White House, it’s reassuring to know somewhere, somehow, a government based upon empty rhetoric and inaction will at least be upheld within the BU Student Union. No government is, after all, good government.

Thank you, my friends, to the College of Communication’s Great Debate for recognizing my defeat is truly the end of the American Century.

And now that I realize I lost the youth vote, it’s all too clear now that I should have appealed more to Joe 30-Rack. My thanks to BU Today for teaching me a lot about election strategy. Apparently, they gave people under 30 the right to vote at some point.

And of course, I would like to thank all BU students for giving all their money to the university, instead of to the Obama campaign. I hear you spent thousands just to spiff up your logo; I spent just as much dressing Sarah. Now that’s change I can believe in, my friends.

Sincerely,

John McCain

U.S. senator, (Ariz.)