BURSTEIN: I learned to be a better feminist from “Real Housewives”

I’m just going to come out and say it: I am a shameless fan of Bravo’s “Real Housewives” series. I watch it with a bowl of popcorn in front of me, and allow myself just that one hour to get lost in other people’s problems.  My favorite group of women to keep up with hail from my home state of New Jersey, so I’ve been watching the current season of “The Real Housewives of New Jersey” religiously every week.

Usually when I watch “Housewives,” I pay no real attention to what the women are arguing about or what problems they may be enduring, because most of the time, they’re very silly. However, this season, I’ve been paying closer attention. One of the storylines this season involves one Real Housewife opening up her own business after years of not working and being the main caretaker for her children. Her husband had been the main provider for the family, and when his wife decided she wanted to work, he was confused.

At first, he questioned how she could want to work when he already provides her with everything she needs. Then, he argued that it didn’t make sense for his wife to work because the salary she would earn wouldn’t come close to his. When she explained that she wanted to work to give herself more fulfillment, he began complaining about how he wanted no part carrying out the more domestic roles in their household.

With feminism and other equality movements becoming more mainstream in recent years, it’s easy to forget about the basic stereotypes and gender roles that plague people of all genders. Men who believe that a woman’s place is to stay in the home still exist, and women who want the chance to make their own living but feel like they cannot are still plagued by those troubles.

Often, we are expected to view these situations as trivial, or even as jokes. As in the case of “Real Housewives,” some men view women’s professional aspirations as a threat to their masculinity, and like to poke fun at how they’re now expected to act more womanly because their wife wants to work.

Obviously, not all women want to work. For some women, raising children and involving themselves in other causes is just as empowering. My own mother is one of these women who decided to leave her job in order to take care of her kids. She joined various boards and involved herself in committees and social circles to enhance the wellbeing of not only my brother and me, but also of the residents of our small town. I am extremely proud to be her daughter and of the impact she has on the people around her.

But there are still women in this world who don’t fulfill that traditional housewife role because they want to, but because they feel like they have to. These pressures can come from a variety of places; maybe their spouse, their friends, their families or even some force inside themselves.

Whatever that force may be, it is important to remember these struggles when we are navigating how to be effective and active feminists. I myself am guilty of getting too caught up in how much needs to be done that I often forget that there are women in my own backyard who are struggling with problems that may seem obsolete. The fact of the matter is, they aren’t obsolete, and deserve just as much of our attention and activism.

I never would have guessed that the “Real Housewives” would teach me a lesson in how to be a better feminist, but I’m glad it has, and I look forward to finding more wisdom in unexpected places.