The 2023 National Basketball Association All-Star game is only a few weeks away. Some young stars will take their first step toward becoming household names and some living legends will continue to add to their legacy. It’s the only time of the season when all of the league’s best players will play on the same court at the same time.
But who are these elite players who will suit up and compete in this prestigious game at Vivint Arena in Salt Lake City? We don’t know yet. So far, only 10 players have received an All-Star nod — five in each conference.
The players already selected will be the game’s starters, but we don’t know who will replace them off the bench. Only two guards, three frontcourt players and two wild cards can be selected as reserves in each conference. These players, just like the starters, have to be the best the NBA has to offer. Not everyone will make it — some phenomenal players will inevitably get snubbed — so there will be some very difficult decisions to make.
I don’t use the term “difficult” loosely. There are more than 24 All-Star caliber players this year, and I just can’t narrow them down. I’m only human. It’s likely my predictions will be wrong, and I would hate to let anyone down due to human error.
Thankfully, I don’t have to. Technology can make that decision for me. Some of the world’s smartest people are championing the ever-increasing capabilities of artificial intelligence. Some say AI will soon replace authors, writers and journalists — so it can definitely create an objective list of the NBA’s best players without error. And so that’s what I did. I found an AI program online and asked it a simple question: “Who are the best players in each conference?”
Here is what it told me.
The Western Conference is always stacked with talent, a fact that the AI is hyper-aware of. According to the AI, Kawhi Leonard of the Los Angeles Clippers should earn the first forward spot, a future Hall-of-Famer who averages nearly 22 points on 51% shooting when healthy.
Joining him will be Karl-Anthony Towns, the best shooting center of all time who added to that reputation by shooting his Minnesota Timberwolves in the foot with his foul troubles and less-than-stellar defense. The final frontcourt spot in the West will go to Golden State Warriors forward Draymond Green, an aggressive perimeter defender whose leadership can really pack a punch — just ask his teammate Jordan Poole.
The AI projected Denver Nuggets “superstar” Kentavious Caldwell-Pope to be selected as the first guard off the bench, finally answering the question of who Nikola Jokic’s best teammate truly is. The other guard spot goes to Jeff Teague, who is on his way to becoming the highest-scoring player to ever play the position of Regional Scout for the Atlanta Hawks.
Of course, some notable Western Conference players have been left off the AI’s roster, but there are still two more spots left. The AI says that the Western Conference wild card players will be Kyle Lowry and Ben Simmons, easily two of the best Western Conference players to not play in the Western Conference.
The Eastern Conference is not shy of talent either. The AI knows this, which is why it selected Joel Embiid as the East’s first frontcourt reserve. Embiid is currently putting up incredible numbers — just under 34 points off of 53% shooting from the field — but just missed the cut to be a starter. His stats are proof that NBA All-Star voting should be positionless, as are the stats of Kristaps Porzingis and Tobias Harris, the two legends the AI projected to join Embiid in the All-Star game.
Jaylen Brown earned the first Eastern Conference guard spot as the second-best player on the best team in basketball. Joining him will be Aaron Holiday, whose 4.4 points per game in 15.2 minutes per game easily solidifies him as the most impactful Holiday brother to ever touch a basketball.
The wild card spots for the Eastern Conference were just as difficult to determine, but thankfully the AI gave me an answer. The first wild card spot for the Eastern Conference goes to Josh Richardson, the current Western Conference player for the San Antonio Spurs who is only 32,690 points away from becoming the highest-scoring player in NBA history. Alongside Richardson will be the man, the myth, the legend, Tatum Bell.
The AI must have been wrong here. There’s no way Bell should get a wild card spot for this year’s All-Star game. He should be a starter. Bell is currently averaging 43 points, 35 rebounds and seven assists for the Bermuda Triangles, the best team in the Imaginary Basketball Association. Most experts agree that if Bell were to take his talents to the NBA, he’d turn the Detroit Pistons into a championship contender. He absolutely deserves a wild card spot, even if it’s a gross understatement of his talents.
After seeing the names the AI selected to play in this year’s NBA All-Star game, I can say that I feel confident in its ability to replace journalists and impact the lives of millions of people. Projecting the NBA All-Star roster is a process that only superior entities can perform. Thank heavens people smarter than I believe AI will soon dominate our world. As these picks have proven, AI is infallible.
