Dear Abby: I have a serious question I need an answer to. Be honest, how much does height really matter in a relationship? I mean, I feel like I’m pretty tall for a guy, but there are taller ones out there. Is no one ever going to want to date me if I can’t reach 6 feet?
As a self-proclaimed “tall girl,” I must say, your question has its finger on the pulse of most singles on the market. Height, in particular, seems to be a concern across all genders.
I mean, there’s a reason why height is one of the top demographics people choose to share on dating apps these days — it’s pretty important to us on both conscious and subconscious levels.
The media has played a huge role in making height seem like a physical feature that can make or break one’s attractiveness, but let me be the one to tell you — it’s not.
Now, that doesn’t mean that how tall you are doesn’t matter at all. We can’t really control the preferences we develop. But as a height-insecure, 5-foot-8 girl myself, I couldn’t help but wonder: Does caring about height in a relationship make us shallow?
Tall people flings and short kings
Everyone knows that one guy who loves to say he’s 6 feet tall, when really he’s pushing 5-foot-9 or 5-foot-10 at best. Maybe you even are that guy.
It’s something we all roll our eyes about — why not just tell the truth? Why pretend to be something you are not? But in trying to understand this conundrum better, I’m starting to get why a few inches makes all the difference.
I think a lot of men link their sense of masculinity to how “big” or tall they are. From what I’ve heard through the grapevine, many of them feel that certain social norms pressure them to be the protector of women by being physically larger.
Even if you’re not talking about dating, it pays to be tall — literally. A 2015 analysis is thought to show that being an extra inch taller than the average height may correlate to $800 in increased annual earnings.
I feel that the belief that most women prefer taller guys is a fairly common generalization — but this notion is also rooted in certain cultural norms and evolutionary psychology. Being above six feet is not a universal requirement for attractiveness. Height is only one small factor that makes up one’s physical attributes.
And yes, I know people still like to use the term “short king,” partially as a joke and partially as a way to add a positive connotation to being a man who is a bit shorter — but I promise it’s all in good fun.
Personally, I think it would be ridiculous to overlook other physical attributes like smile, hair and style just because someone who likes you is a bit shorter than you. Haven’t you guys ever seen Josh Hutcherson? Zac Efron? Tom Holland? All of them land on the shorter side but still don’t seem to have any trouble with the ladies — I’m just saying! There’s also personality, humor and charm to consider.
So I can’t entirely demolish anyone’s personal preference, but let me put you at ease by assuring you: There is more to love about you than your height, and you should only be with the ones who can see that.
What about tall girls?
Remember how I said most guys like to assume women like tall guys? I think they’re right, but I also feel they overlook the fact that this preference comes from a social pressure for women to constantly appear petite.
As the media has fed us for years, being tiny makes you cute and desirable — and nothing about dating a guy shorter than you makes you feel that way
All my 5-foot-5-and-above girls know the struggle of dealing with insecure men. In my experience, I’ve found that a lot of men tend to be intimidated by taller women, while some will just avoid them completely.
Is that perhaps because they’ve linked the concept of height with power? Maybe. But I also think this traces back to the worry amongst men that they aren’t “masculine” enough if they aren’t the taller ones in a relationship.
Everyone loves to tell tall women, “You could be a model!” While this may be a comforting fact to some, I don’t think that diminishes our desire to partake in all the adorable things couples with height differences do.
Some of us want to be able to rest our heads on someone’s shoulder, or maybe we want to stand on our tip-toes for a kiss. Even not having to worry about appearing huge if you want to wear heels would be such a relief. It’s the little things, but sometimes it feels like they make a grand difference.
Still, I will always live by the famous words of Meredith Grey: “Do not ever date a man who can’t handle your power.” Your stature should never limit who you choose to go out with, and it certainly shouldn’t inhibit your shoe selection.
You can’t put a height requirement on love
Now don’t worry — no matter where you fall on the measuring stick, most people nowadays don’t have a “you must be this tall to ride” disclaimer.
In a way, it’s funny to observe how the height issues of men and women mirror each other in the exact opposite ways. Men want to be taller to be more desirable, and women want to be shorter.
Maybe if we all got our heads away from the measuring tapes and into the real world, we would see that height isn’t really all that big of a deal. In many ways, we create the beauty standards we are so horribly trapped by — so I say let’s start peering over them.
I just think we sometimes tend to overvalue physical aspects when it comes to dating. Masculinity is not derived from height, and femininity is certainly not found in being petite.
So have your preferences if you must, but remember, the best kind of love comes to those who are secure in themselves — at any height. What sustains a relationship isn’t a few inches here and a few centimeters there; It’s character.
