I love long weekends as much as the next girl. So this Columbus Day weekend was a welcome break from the hectic midterm season that I am sure you lot are all too familiar with.
I spent my weekend on a road trip with my fellow exchange students in Cape Cod. The thing about road trips is, you tend to find yourself with miles of road, garbage on the radio and way too much time. Time that leads to all sorts of conversations. So like any good group of college students we started talking about love, sex and relationships.
Let me put this in context for you. I am the only Asian in my group of friends. Everyone else is from various parts of Europe. Obviously the cultural differences were stark and the expectations very different.
Coming from Singapore, I come from a modern, well-educated Asian community. But Asian nevertheless. We are a conservative society and we are not as flippant about sex as our Western counterparts can be. That being said, it is also no longer taboo for you to have sex before marriage or with multiple partners. It is, however, far from the norm.
I was not shocked to find out that my European friends have had many interesting encounters on drunken nights with people who were basically strangers. I did, however, struggle to understand how one of my friends had sex with one of her guy acquaintances, but were now just friends with that guy.
I honestly sat there looking at her and repeating, “But he’s seen you naked. How can you just be friends now without progressing it to something else first?” It was at this point that another friend pointed out that it was normal to have sex with an acquaintance and later on have it be nothing but friendship.
I found this so absurd. I guess I just didn’t see how that would work. But what really bothered me is what this friend added after.
“You’re looking for a boyfriend to get married to and have children with right?” he said.
My first thought was, “Is he asking me this because I am Asian?” My second was one of annoyance at the stereotype that if I wasn’t looking for casual sex, I must be looking to get married. The double standard blew me away.
I may not understand how it is possible for someone to have sex with someone and then just be friends. But I surely did not judge the person for doing so. In that moment though, I felt judged for not jumping into bed with any willing soul.
I come from a different culture. Regardless of if you are male or female, in Singapore and in a lot of other Asian countries, it is normal to wait until marriage to have sex. It has little to do with preserving your virginity for the person you want to spend your life with, but more to do with us taking sex seriously.
Personally, I believe that sex should be something you do with someone you love and really care about. I don’t want to just do it with anyone, and I don’t want something casual. I want to feel loved, cherished and cared about when I finally take that step and I do not want to be judged for wanting to wait.
No one thinks it’s right to judge people for having sex as much as they want. So why judge me, or anyone else, for not having sex? I am more conservative. And I do want a relationship instead of casual sex, but I am not looking to get married and have babies either. I don’t think it’s fair to project that. More importantly, there are probably a lot of people out there from more conservative backgrounds feeling pressured to have sex when they aren’t ready just to not seem backward.
My conclusion? Screw what anyone else thinks (no pun intended). It’s your body. It’s your life. Do what you will. It sure as hell isn’t anyone else’s business.
