In the polarizing period of the Kavanaugh confirmation and the trials that preceded it, the nation found itself torn between two answers for the same question: who is the real victim of the #MeToo Movement? Some argue that men are victimized because they live in fear of false allegations. Others argue that women are victimized because they live in fear of sexual assault.
For me, this answer was simple since the movement’s rise in November 2017. The real victim is anyone with a face and a name whose bodily autonomy was taken away from them without their consent. The real victim is anyone whose voice felt undermined, disregarded and negated. The real victim is anyone who has been sexually assaulted, regardless of their gender. The #MeToo Movement has been predominantly a space for women to come forward about their experiences with sexual assault, of which men had typically been their attackers.
The #MeToo Movement created a forum to hold men, particularly those in considerable power, accountable for their actions by exposing them to the public. Not only has the movement portrayed the ways that power has protected men from previous allegations, but it has also provided insight into how normalized sexual assault has become for people everywhere, not just those in power. The movement has uncovered the permeation of sexual assault into every dimension of society. A natural consequence of this instantaneous and widespread coverage of sexual assault is dissent to its legitimacy.
One particularly upsetting remark came from our president’s eldest son, Donald Trump Jr.
In a recent interview with DailyMailTV, Trump spoke about the recent allegations against Brett Kavanaugh. Trump, a father of five, told the tabloid “I’ve got boys, and I’ve got girls. And when I see what’s going on right now, it’s scary …”
In response, the interviewer asked Trump if he is more scared for his sons or his daughters.
“I mean, right now, I’d say my sons,” Trump responded.
Trump has a different answer to who the real victim of the #MeToo Movement is than I do.
He is scared that his sons may grow up to be falsely accused of sexual assault, and that fear is more paralyzing than the fear that his daughters may grow up to be sexually assaulted.
Trump’s comments made me feel, as his father would say, sad.
A common narrative used to elicit sympathy from men for sexual assault victims is asking them to imagine the women they know in their lives as victims of sexual assault. It’s problematic enough that this narrative exists, putting women’s value solely in their familial (particularly maternal) relations and not in their holistic value to society. But it is deeply problematic that Trump Jr. has done this very thing and still chose to have sympathy for men over women.
He imagined his daughters being the victims of sexual assault. He imagined his sons being accused of sexual assault. He chose the latter as the more frightening alternative.
Realistically, however, his daughters are far more likely to be sexually assaulted than his sons falsely accused of sexual assault for a number of reasons.
According to the National Sexual Violence Resource Center, one in five women will be sexually assaulted in the United States during their lives. Most cases of sexual assault can be criminally investigated with DNA tests and rape kits, but most importantly, allegations of sexual assault are not as long-lasting as the effects of the sexual assault itself.
Men of power have been accused of sexual assault during the #MeToo movement and have been able to keep their careers and fortunes intact. Although many have stepped down from their jobs or issued public statements regarding the allegations (usually denying, not apologizing) and some reputations have been tarnished, almost none aside from Bill Cosby and Larry Nassar have faced sentencings.
Meanwhile, victims of sexual assault have faced similar consequences resulting from coming forward. Victims like Christine Blasey Ford have endured backlash and put their own careers and reputations at risk by speaking out about their assault.
Both parties’ careers and reputations are threatened and affected. Both parties experience support and backlash from their respective camps. But the victims of sexual assault face the additional lifelong repercussions of being sexually assaulted, such as post-traumatic stress disorder and the many complications surrounding it.
Few of those accused have been tangibly held accountable, but innumerable accusers have been devastatingly impacted by the sexual assault and the process of revealing it.
In the polarizing period of the Kavanaugh confirmation and the trials that preceded it, the nation found itself torn between two answers for the same question: who is the real victim of the #MeToo Movement?
The answer to this question seems less lost in perspective than it is in definition. A victim is someone who is hurt or injured by a crime. A perpetrator is someone who does the hurting. Casting allegations on someone you believe sexually assaulted you is not a crime. Sexually assaulting someone is a crime. Conclusively, accountability is not victimization — it is a consequence of perpetrating the real circumstantial victim.
But I have even better news to lessen Trump’s concern for his sons. If he doesn’t want them to be accused of sexual assault, perhaps he could teach them the intricacies of consent or point them in the direction of someone who can.
