Change is weird.
It can be a beautiful yet heartbreaking experience. It can give you emotions that are just so conflicting you don’t know how to sort through them. But that’s the thing with life, I guess. We need to change, we need to grow and sometimes doing so is bittersweet.
I recently moved out of my childhood home, and it was so much tougher than I thought it would be. I’ve lived in the same place for 16 years, so to suddenly be in a new environment with a blank state for all these memories to be written on is almost unnerving.
I’ve lived in different places before, but I settled down in that home at three years old. The only memories I have are built there. It’s where I, along with my brother and my friends, grew up. My house was always the “go-to” for gatherings. I just feel like everything is uncertain now. Foggy.
Now that I’m done being dramatic, I do want to point out the positives. Because there are a lot, and I’m definitely overlooking them.
My old house had no view. My window was too tall for me and when I did manage to see the outside, it was just a giant tree and a house. Not to mention, whenever there was a sunset there would always be some stupid wire or bush blocking my view.
My new apartment, however… as my dad would say, has a “million-dollar view.” I now live downtown, in the beating heart of my city, and all I see when I look at my window — that’s actually my height, thank God — are thousands of lights. I see people walking along the harbor, the dozens of boats parked right in front of me and the famous and always lively Cardero’s restaurant.
Ever since I was young, I’ve wanted to live in a place like New York, where I could just look outside and feel life thrumming in this world. Now that I have that, now that it’s right there as long as my eyes are open, it feels a little surreal.
Twelve-year-old me is beaming with joy right now, and she is very mad at 19-year-old me for not appreciating it fully.
Don’t get me wrong, I love it here. I wake up to a gorgeous view every morning. As I’m doing my homework or as I’m about to fall asleep, I can just feel the whole city in tune with me. But I’m also a very emotional person, and it’s a little hard for me to let go of old ties. Especially when those “old ties” consist of a room I spent a third of my life in and a home where thousands of memories are bottled away.
I know I’m capable of adapting. I moved to a new country to start university and settled in pretty quickly. Also, I’m a Gemini — does that count for something?
I’m still sorting everything out since I moved in a week ago. I’m slowly warming up to this place, so I have a good feeling that I’ll be able to confidently call this apartment my home in just a month or two.
As I said, change is weird. But I’m willing to embrace it. Alexa, play “Good as Hell” by Lizzo. We’re going in with happy vibes only.
