PEARSON: Timing is everything

My name is Luke Pearson, and I am here to answer your questions and provide insight into the world of college relationships, love and sex.  My hope is that one or two of you will read this and learn something, and the goal is to develop a healthy conversation about these topics.

It is important to tell you that other than a healthy sex life, (no, Mom, I’m not a slut), and a love of research and letter writing, I claim no special skills or abilities to solve your problems.  In fact, if you do send something in that stumps me, I will reach out to local experts, friends and roommates and maybe even a doctor or two.  Rest assured, this will be a very honest and accurate source of information and entertainment.

Finally, let’s get one thing straight: I am a homo, but Carrie Bradshaw, I ain’t.  Being the liberal guy I am, however, I know my way around college women, and I’ll use examples from my varied sexual experiences when responding.  I’m confident that this could be a fun experience for everyone involved, with the exception of my grandmother, who is probably going to read this online and cry during bingo.

So, that’s it.  Write an email to dfpsex@gmail.com, and I’ll respond back as soon as I can.  Additionally, all letters will get a response, even if it isn’t selected for publication.

While you’re running to a computer to submit your first letters, I’ll get you started with a question submitted by the people I love, my friends and family.  (Nothing is as horrifying as figuring out that your little sister is into poodle-balling.  Google it.)

Luke,

I live in a Warren triple, and I can’t find time to masturbate without my roommates coming in and interrupting me.  What can I do?! 

-Bye Everyone, Alone Time (BEAT)

Well, BEAT, this is a common problem during freshman year, as for most students this is the first time they are living in a common space.  When I was a first-year, living in Sleeper Hall, most guys used the shower as an oasis for masturbation.

            Of course, this is only an option if you can get your kicks while vertical.  Some gentlemen need to lie down, as it focuses the energy towards the midsection, and relaxes the entire body.  But who has the time to “focus their energy” with two roommates?  My advice to you, BEAT, is to have a place where you all post your schedules in the room.  It’s a simple request, so that you can all “see when the three of us can get together for lunch,” but it can also serve your masturbatory purpose.

            By referring to the schedule, you can plan out some alone time, and make sure no one with a key can suddenly make a guest appearance.  Unless you’re an exhibitionist, in which case, unlock the door, unzip, and call a few friends over to watch the show.

–Luke