Well, friends, the end of the semester is approaching, and it has come time for my final column of 2011. It has been a pleasure writing and answering all of your questions, and I thought it would be appropriate to try and share some of the questions that haven’t fit in with any theme this semester. Consider this final column a sort of “advice smorgasbord,” where you can read about penis size and romantic dates on the very same page. I’ve also included some of the “less legitimate” emails I’ve received. Note: Most of these letters have been edited, and the responses have been abridged for publication.
How do I know if my friend is gay? He likes musicals and dancing, and I’ve never seen him hook up with a girl.
Have you seen him kiss other boys? That would be the best way to yank him out of the closet. Seriously, though, although many people out there claim to have exceptional “gaydar,” the only true way to out someone is to have sex with them. Obviously, there is a wide range of gay people in this world, from heavyweights to the most flamboyant hairdressers, so it is easier to guess about some of the more effeminate men on campus. Your best bet is to have a chat with him regarding potential love interests in his life. In high school, my parents phrased it this way: “Anyone special in your life?” This left the gender ambiguous, and it also showed that they were supportive. If you run in a social circle where it might not be okay to be openly gay, it will be important for your friend to know that you support him.
Sometimes I get lonely when I see all my friends in a relationship. This one girl has been with her boyfriend for six years but I cannot keep a guy interested for three dates. Am I ugly? Am I crazy? What am I doing wrong?
From the pictures you attached to your email, you’re definitely not ugly. In fact, I might have some friends who would be interested in meeting you sometime. So, if it’s not an outward appearance problem, perhaps it’s a problem with self-confidence, or with a difficulty getting over an old boyfriend?
Sometimes the worst thing to do is put pressure on yourself to be in a relationship. You’ve survived and enjoyed life for this long without one, so why is it so necessary right at this moment? I’ll give you the same advice I give my guy friends about sleeping with random girls at parties: If you’re looking for it, and trying so hard to get it, you’ll end up screwing yourself out of it. Romance often happens when you least expect it, so instead of trying to calculate your odds, just roll the dice and let it ride.
You’ve written a lot about hooking up with people, but what about dating? What’s your idea for a perfect date, like a dinner and a movie night?
-I Need Ur Tips
I think everyone has their idea of a perfect date, even if most will never come close to experiencing it. Lord knows that I’ve gone on some terrible dates, although sometimes I only have myself to blame. This is why I recommend having a Plan B for all dates, and knowing show times, menu prices and ticket availability before heading out the door. The worst thing you can say as a date, INUT, is “gee, I don’t know what I want to do tonight.” That just telegraphs to the other person that you could care less about this date, (and probably the guy you’re going out with). Instead, why not phrase it in a more positive way: “What we do tonight doesn’t really matter, as long as I can spend time with you.” That sounds forced and silly, I know, but if you put it in your own words, it will mean a lot to the other person.
But I digress, INUT, and you want to know my idea for the perfect date. Assuming we’re still students in Boston, (and don’t have a million dollars or a private jet), here’s what I would do with a Friday night on the town: After picking my date up from his doorstep, we head out to the Boston Common. Thankfully, my ZipCar is available all night, so now all I have to worry about is parking! Once we get to the AMC Boston Common, we pick up our tickets, (we’ve discussed potential movies beforehand), and head in for the show. Afterwards, we drive to the North End, to a little place a friend recommended to me last year. We already have a reservation, and I know the perfect Pinot Noir to pair with his entrée. After dinner, we discuss the movie as we stroll down Hanover Street, and split a cannoli from Mike’s Pastry. As we turn to leave, it starts to snow.
That’s a pretty romantic evening, if I do say so myself, and something I would save for someone pretty special. I hope this helps, INUT, and I hope he or she really enjoys it!
I’ll wrap this final column up by saying thanks to everyone who submitted a letter to me this semester. I know that a few of you out there think that they’re all fake, but I can assure you that there are many students out there who I truly believe have benefited from my stories and advice. I will continue to answer questions over winter vacation, so keep sending those emails tolpsexquestions@gmail.com or writing anonymously to formspring.me/lpsex. Never stop asking questions or learning about sexual health, as what you learn will only make you a better person, a better lover and a better friend.
Luke Pearson is a weekly columnist for The Daily Free Press. He can be reached at lpsexquestions@gmail.com.
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