Have you ever been told, “you deserve better?”
With enough self-respect, that one line is enough to walk away.
However, most of the time, you instead subconsciously choose to listen to your heart instead of your head, forcing out the response: “I want you to be better.”
I have fallen victim to this before.
When you love someone so much and all you want is for them to be better and change for you, you lose all rational thought. You believe in them, you love them — enough to give them the benefit of the doubt that they will grow.
Now, just because your partner says this, it doesn’t mean they are a bad person by any means — it takes a lot to truly acknowledge your mistakes — but you should still know that you are worth more than that, and you deserve better.
One of the most important things I have learned thus far from my breakup is how important respect is. Going forward, it is one of my top priorities —both for myself and my relationships.
Respect comes in many different forms. Someone can be respectful of your boundaries and of your body — but that’s really considered to be bare minimum in my opinion. This physical form of respect can also be provided by anyone — teachers, peers, family. There is just a mutual understanding and boundary that can stem from having respect for one another.
A person can be respectful in the sense that they would never do anything to disrespect you. What’s really telling of a person’s character is how they show their true feelings and actions — specifically when no one is around and how they defend you in your absence.
This connects to loyalty and honesty by overall not doing anything disrespectful. The concept is especially common amongst family, friends or anyone somewhat close to you — someone who you have enough faith and trust in that they have the ability to disrespect you in a way that hurts.
Lastly, there is respect in the way that someone respects you as a person. They respect your drive, passion and motivation — they admire how you are and have the utmost respect for you. I believe this is the most special. I don’t just want someone to love me, I want them to respect me and think, “Wow. I have so much respect for her.”
As important as it is for your partner to respect you, it is even more important to respect yourself.
If you don’t have any self-respect, how do you expect someone else to respect you?
Having self-respect can stop someone else from walking all over you. If you know your worth and what you deserve, you won’t ever settle for anything less. You will walk away from anything less than what you know you deserve.
This is a lot easier said than done. Self-respect can mean walking away from someone or something you love even when you don’t want to, but you know you have to.
You must listen to your head and not your heart, which is a very loaded challenge. Putting yourself first is not easy, but when you have a great deal of self-respect, it becomes just a little easier.
At the end of the day, you really can’t control someone else’s actions or their disrespect. Part of having enough self-respect allows you to acknowledge that you can’t force someone to communicate and work things out, or that you can’t beg someone to see that you are worth fighting for.
You already know that you are someone worth fighting for, so why does it matter if they think that?
The more and more you remind yourself of this and truly integrate it into your life, it will become easier. I am still learning to do this too, and it is still an ongoing process.
But I know that I deserve the world and more because that’s what I give to those I love. I will never settle for less.
